Thursday, November 30, 2017

Are You Waiting For Geraldo Santana Banana’s Impending Topple? Yeah. Me Too.

I have never liked Geraldo Rivera.  Were it possible to travel back in time I would strangle him in his cradle.  The guy’s a pompous pile of dung.  A 10-lb blivit in a 5-lb bag.  He possesses an exaggerated sense of self-importance.  He, quite literally, suffers from delusions of grandeur.
Yesterday, before the salacious exposé Variety published revealing the details of NBC’s brutal firing of Matt Lauer, our boy, through a series of four tweets may have inadvertently announced his “retirement”.
The “Grand Poohbah of Outlandish Takes” called the news “a flirty business” and voiced his consternation that women are starting to be believed when accusations of inappropriate workplace behavior by powerful men are made.  I’m just not sold on the notion that having a remote door lock button for an office sex dungeon is equivalent to “flirting”.  It is abundantly clear neither Lauer nor Rivera AKA Santana Banana suffer with crippling social anxiety.
So tin-eared and egregious were his tweets that his current employer undoubtedly admonished him while issuing a terse statement:  “Geraldo’s tweets do not reflect the views of Fox News or its management.  We were troubled by his comments and are addressing them with him.”
There’s a good bet if you have the mustachioed fool in your Pervnado Pool you could be a winner soon.  

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Lake Wobegon: Where All The Children Are Above Average And All The Women Are Scared

Garrison Keillor, the force behind the popular “A Prairie Home Companion” show and a man who is uglier than a mud fence was fired by Minnesota Public Radio over inappropriate sexual behavior claims.
The 75-year-old life-long Democrat told The Associated Press he was let go because of “a story that I think is more interesting and more complicated than the version MPR heard.”

Keillor sniggered at Middle America on public radio for 42 years.
I guess if you live in the frozen tundra of Minnesota, then listening to an old codger on the radio talk about “this beautiful summer” or “the number of persons I know who’ve contracted a tick-borne disease” or “hip replacements I have known that went bad” while wearing a flannel shirt, long johns and wool socks in the dead of winter is a blessed distraction from the blizzards and snow drifts that can linger through the month of May.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a day before announcing he was fired, Keillor penned an op-ed in support of fellow Minnesotan Sen. Al Franken, who last week was accused of sexual misconduct.
“This is pure absurdity, and the atrocity it leads to is a code of public deadliness,” he wrote of the criticism of Franken groping a sleeping Leeann Tweeden in a 2006 photo. “No kidding.”
Perhaps Charlie Rose, himself an old ugly perv with some free time, and Keillor could do a two-man stage act.  After all, what else is there to do in Lake Woebegon?  I mean besides fondling the farmer’s daughter?
UPDATE 11-29-17 2:37 PM:  The Daily Mail, citing the email sent by Keillor to the Star Tribune, explaining why he was fired read in part, “I put my hand on a woman's bare back. I meant to pat her back after she told me about her unhappiness and her shirt was open and my hand went up it about six inches.  She recoiled. I apologized. I sent her an email of apology later and she replied that she had forgiven me and not to think about it. We were friends. We continued to be friendly right up until her lawyer called.”

UPDATE 3:13 PM:  Welcome readers of Bad Blue Uncensored News.  We wish to thank Doug Ross for linking to this post.

The Sexual Harassment Apocalypse: The Shock At 30 Rock

NBC has fired its leading morning news anchor Matt Lauer over a sexual harassment allegation, the network’s president for news said in a memo to staff on Wednesday.
Matt Lauer allegedly sexually assaulted a female NBC staffer during the Sochi Winter Olympics in 2014.
An NBC insider said Lauer’s alleged victim complained to HR on Monday: “This happened so quickly. She didn’t go to the media, she made a complaint to NBC’s human resources, and her evidence was so compelling Lauer was fired on Tuesday night. The victim says she has evidence that this has also happened to other women, but so far we don’t have evidence of that.”
Another source revealed the decision to fire Lauer was made late Tuesday night by NBC News chairman Andy Lack.
Lauer’s firing comes amid rumors that several news outlets were working on stories about his alleged sexual misconduct.
Reporters for the New York Times had been investigating Lauer for several weeks, according to sources who had been contacted by the paper.
In a published report from Closer Weekly on November 21, Lauer had decided to leave Today when his estimated $25 million-a-year contract expired in 2018.  Citing his ongoing rivalry with Megyn Kelly and his desire to see more of his family his “heart just wasn’t in the job this past year.”
Lauer is 59.  His children are aged 16, 14 and 10.  He wanted to see more of his family?  I’m pretty sure his wife Annette doesn’t want to see him ever again.

UPDATE 11-29-17 4:11 PM:  The in-depth investigation promised earlier this morning from Variety has been published revealing the results of a two-month investigation with dozens of interviews with current and former staffers.
The New York Times exposé, also promised this morning, can be found here.

Nooooooo! Not John McCain Again!

President Trump promised on the campaign trail he would fight to give middle class Americans a tax cut reminiscent of the historic Reagan tax cuts of the 80s.  On November 2 during a gathering in the Oval Office with members of the House Ways and Means Committee the President said, “We are giving them a big, beautiful present for Christmas in the form of a tax cut.”
The White House has repeatedly urged congressional Republicans to move the bill through Capitol Hill as quickly as possible so Trump can sign some form of tax cuts into law before the Christmas holiday.
"I really believe we'll have it done before Christmas. I consider that to be one of the great Christmas presents," the President said.
Senate Republicans took a significant step toward passing a sweeping tax overhaul on Tuesday, with a key panel giving its approval and several wavering senators indicating they would support the tax package, helping clear the way for full Senate consideration later this week.
It's likely all 48 Senate Democrats will vote against the tax bill. That means Senate Republicans can only afford two defections. They already have two likely no votes and even more senators with competing concerns that could derail the bill.
Once again, it could all come down to the senator from Arizona who is desperately in need of being put out to pasture.
After sinking his Party’s hopes of repealing Obamacare this year with a dramatic thumbs-down, the fate of a tax overhaul may now sit in the hands of John McCain. In recent days, he has been fairly tight-lipped about his views on the tax proposal speeding through the Senate, saying he sees some problems with the existing bill but is waiting for a final plan before making a decision.
Even those who know Mr. McCain best are unsure how he will vote, but if history is any guide, Republicans have reason to worry.
Some supporters of the tax bill have been concerned that McStain, along with senators “Liddle” Bob Corker (R-TN) and Jeff “Snow” Flake (R-AZ), could vote against the legislation to spite the President.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Empty Chair Part Deux: Trolling “Chancy”

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi were missing for a legislative strategy session at the White House with President Trump Tuesday afternoon.
President Trump called out the Democrat leaders for boycotting the meeting by leaving two seats conspicuously empty accusing them of being "all talk" and "no action." The President said he would blame Schumer and Pelosi if the government shuts down.  
"Meeting with 'Chuck and Nancy' today about keeping government open and working. Problem is they want illegal immigrants flooding into our country unchecked, are weak on crime and want to substantially raise taxes. I don’t see a deal!" Trump tweeted. 
The current funding bill expires on Dec. 8, leaving Congress less than two weeks to work out a deal or approve a stopgap bill to buy more time for talks. 
Democrats are demanding the inclusion of a measure that would allow certain young undocumented immigrants to continue to live and work in the U.S.  They want to provide a fix for people who benefitted from the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, an Obama-era initiative that Trump cancelled earlier this year. 
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement, "It's disappointing that Senator Schumer and Leader Pelosi are refusing to come to the table and discuss urgent issues. The President's invitation to the Democrat leaders still stands and he encourages them to put aside their pettiness, stop the political grandstanding, show up and get to work. These issues are too important."
Trolling the two butthurt Dems with the empty seats in the Roosevelt Room reminded me of another notable empty chair scenario.  Picture it.  The year was 2012.  The Oscar-winning actor/director/legend Clint Eastwood entered the Tampa Bay Times Forum, the site of the RNC Convention, in dramatic fashion with the backdrop screen showing a large silhouette of him from the film “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”.  The speakers in the arena were blaring the score from the film. The crowd ate it up.
The long-time Republican, endorsed Romney at an Idaho fundraiser at the beginning of August, where he told reporters that he was backing the GOP presidential candidate "because I think the country needs a boost somewhere."
Eastwood addressed an invisible President Obama sitting in an empty chair.  He told the chair it was a “national disgrace” and maybe it was “time for someone else to come along and solve the problem.”
Laughter rang out in the arena as Eastwood pretended the invisible Obama was uttering colorful objections.
"What do you want me to tell Romney?" Eastwood asked the empty chair. "I can't tell him to do that to himself…you're getting as bad as Biden…of course, we all know Biden is the intellect of the Democratic Party. Kind of a grin with a body behind it."

Monday, November 27, 2017

Trump Vs Warren In A Tomahawk Fight On Pay-Per-View

At a White House event specifically honoring the World War II Navajo Code Talkers, President Trump couldn’t resist getting in a zinger slamming Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).
“I just want to thank you because you’re very, very special people. You were here long before any of us were here. Although we have a representative in Congress who, they say, was here a long time ago. They call her ‘Pocahontas.’”
During the volatile 2016 presidential campaign, Warren took to social media to mock and needle Trump, calling him everything from a “loser” to a xenophobic “bully.” In response, Trump quickly seized upon Warren’s claims of Cherokee and Delaware Indian ancestry, coining the belittling nickname — “Pocahontas.” 
The clearly chafed Warren said, “This was supposed to be a ceremony honoring war heroes. All he had to do was smile and thank them for their incredible service. But he couldn’t make it through the ceremony without throwing in a racial slur. Donald Trump does this over and over thinking somehow he is gonna shut me up with this. It hadn’t worked in the past, it is not gonna work in the future.” 
The left is aghast─most notably CNN’s Jim Acosta.
Anybody scalping tickets to the grudge match? 

#Congre-Gate

Yesterday’s kabuki theater on Meet The Press was one for the ages.  Nancy Pelosi  Palsi called the 88-year-old bag of bones pants dropper, John Conyers (D-MI), an “icon” who has “done a great deal to protect women."
During the interview, Palsi would not say whether Conyers should be removed as the ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee, but opined he would “do the right thing.”
Conyers is a member of the Congressional Black Congress (CBC).  Palsi, according to an aide “worked behind the scenes with the CBC to lay the groundwork for him to step aside gracefully,” because her interview with Chuck Todd was so catastrophic and she’s scared shitless of the CBC.
She issued a “clean-up” statement to save her zero-tolerance credibility.  The claims against Conyers represent a serious abuse of power.  Having Conyers step down will not take the heat off Democrats because her paw prints are all over the non-disclosure agreements from her time as Speaker of the House.  Someone noted, “The dinosaurs are facing extinction at their own game.”
From Judicial Watch’s Corruption Chronicles:
Conyers’ wife, disgraced Detroit City Councilwoman Monica Conyers, served three years in prison for bribery. Now it’s hubby’s turn to be in the scandal limelight. Affidavits filed by four former employees and scrutinized by reputable news outlets, show an alarming pattern of sexual misconduct by Conyers. 
In the documents the workers say they saw the congressman repeatedly making sexual advances to women on his staff, including touching them inappropriately with leg and back rubs and requesting sexual favors. The woman who received the secret settlement filed a wrongful dismissal complaint in 2014, claiming she was fired for rebuffing the congressman’s repeated sexual advances. In 2015 she was paid $27,000 from Conyers’ taxpayer-funded office budget in exchange for her silence. 
His office would “rehire” the woman as a “temporary employee” despite her being directed not to come into the office or do any actual work, according to the document cited in the news report that broke the scandal last week. A law clerk representing the woman described it as a “designed cover-up.”

Flowing Curves Of Beauty


Please don't ask Santa for something sexy this year…women get so tired of waking up under a tree in a stranger's house every December 25th.



Sunday, November 26, 2017

The “Groper Syndrome”

The “Groper Syndrome” has struck the liberal enclave with a vengeance.  We are witnessing a cultural change where women are taking a stand against being made to feel like a gazelle striding past a pride of lascivious lions.  
We have known a host of politicians who were notorious womanizers who envisioned themselves as Casanovas.
Jackie and Marilyn Monroe weren’t enough for John F. Kennedy.  He was linked to a string of high-profile women including Jayne Mansfield, Angie Dickinson, Kim Novak, Janet Leigh and Rhonda Fleming; he is suspected to have had numerous other encounters with what the press stereotypically termed “coquettish women.”
JFK’s youngest brother Teddy epitomized sleaze.  He was bloated and drunken and chased vulnerable women. While Ted drank and took advantage of compliant women in Washington, his wife Joan stayed at home in Boston to look after his three children.
In line to inherit his brother’s legendary presidency, his chances were dashed following the drowning of the pretty, young campaign assistant Mary Jo Kopechne.  Teddy used his family name to save his filthy neck.  Had his name been Edward Moore rather than Edward Moore Kennedy he would have been charged and sentenced with homicide.
It’s the same for former President Bill Clinton. Allegations of womanizing, extramarital affairs and abuse dogged Clinton over the course of his political life, culminating in his 1998 impeachment and acquittal over his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky.  Those allegations were written off as “bimbo eruptions.”
Leading feminists and Democrat-leaning groups loyal to him throughout are beginning to rethink their view of Bubba now that there’s an increasingly long list of Democrat Hollywood leftists and politicians being exposed. (Pun intended)
Seven days before Thanksgiving, Leeann Tweeden, news anchor for McIntyre in the Morning on KABC told the world Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) sexually harassed her eleven years earlier while on a USO tour by forcibly kissing her and “pushing his tongue inside her mouth.”  Of course, we’ve all seen by now the photograph of “Fondles” Franken groping Tweeden’s breasts while she slept.  Franken apologized online.
Five days later a second woman stepped forward telling CNN Franken had grabbed her bottom at the Minnesota State Fair in 2010.  Franken stated he did not recall the event but voiced “contrition” for his actions.
Then the day before Thanksgiving two additional women who posed for pictures with the senator had their bottoms grabbed.  One at the 2007 Minnesota Women’s Political Caucus and the other in 2008 at a Democrat fundraiser in Minneapolis when he asked her to visit a nearby bathroom with him.
Aides for the little perv said canceling a sold-out appearance to hawk his new book would give Franken a chance “to spend time with his family and do a lot of reflecting.”
Sensing the fecal matter was about hit the air-circulating device Franken issued a statement to CBS News on Thanksgiving Day saying, "I'm a warm person; I hug people. I've learned from recent stories that in some of those encounters, I crossed a line for some women─and I know that any number is too many. Some women have found my greetings or embraces for a hug or photo inappropriate, and I respect their feelings about that. I've thought a lot in recent days about how that could happen, and recognize that I need to be much more careful and sensitive in these situations. I feel terribly that I've made some women feel badly and for that I am so sorry, and I want to make sure that never happens again. And let me say again to Minnesotans that I'm sorry for putting them through this and I'm committed to regaining their trust."
“I feel terribly,” the groper said. Does he mean to say he regrets his behavior, or is he just saying that he just doesn't do it well? Grammar matters.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, 88-year-old Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) who showed up to a meeting in his underwear has been accused by three women as of this post for sexual harassment and sexual misconduct.
Sexual predator Conyers announced today he is stepping down from his post as ranking member on the House Judiciary Committee amid the news of an investigation into allegations against him.
After careful consideration and in light of the attention drawn by recent allegations made against me, I have notified the Democratic Leader of my request to step aside as Ranking Member of the House Judiciary Committee during the investigation of these matters.” 

A Walk On The Wild Side

Friday, November 24, 2017

Alabama Crimson Tide Vs Auburn Tigers: The 82nd Iron Bowl

Alrighty SEC fans.  The annual battle in a long-standing war between the Alabama Crimson Tide and the flea-infested War Eagle will take place on the gridiron of Jordan-Hare Stadium.
The cross-state rivals will battle for the second time in four years for the Southeastern Conference Western Division Championship for a shot at East Division Champs─the Jawja Bulldawgs in Atlanta.  The SEC West crown will not be bestowed without a bloody-knuckle grudge match.  This year Bama is a favorite, but by only 4.5 points.  Hoo boy!
ESPN’s Matchup Predictor gives the Tide a 60.6% probability of victory against the Tigers.  After 81 Iron Bowl games, Alabama leads the series 45-35-1.  None of that matters.
Auburn fans crow incessantly about the 1963 game in which Joe Namath was bested by backup QB Mailon Kent to win 10-6 and the 1972 “Punt Bama Punt” game in which the Tide was forced to punt the ball two times in the fourth quarter.  Both kicks were blocked and returned for touchdowns erasing a 16-0 lead and Auburn winning the game 17-16.
In the final quarter of the 78th Iron Bowl, Auburn rallied to tie the game 28-28 with 32 seconds left on the game clock.  After the Tigers punted the ball, the Tide lined up on the 38-yard line with no time left on the clock.  The game would have gone into overtime but Coach Saban challenged the time-keeping call and one second was put back on the clock.  Bama lined up for a field goal attempt that didn’t have enough distance.  The Tigers’ Chris Davis caught the ball in the end zone running the entire distance of the field scoring the winning touchdown.
If the report from Matt Zenitz is true inside linebacker Christian Miller who was injured in the season opener against FSU is expected to be cleared to play against Auburn and Terrell Lewis is “on track to return soon as well, though likely the SEC Championship Game, if the Tide makes it there.”
I hate the “Barners” and nothing could be more delicious than denying them their beloved tradition of tossing toilet paper after a victory, known as “rolling the oaks” in Toomer’s Corner.

Come To HillaryMart For Black Friday Savings On Election Advice

In what can only be described as an astounding turn of events, twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary The Hag appeared on Salem Radio Network’s Hugh Hewitt show for a 30-minute interview.
It appears she consented to the interview with the conservative radio talk show host to hawk her book What Happened.
Hewitt carefully crafted his questions, but the unconvicted felon railed against what she characterized as attempts by the right-wing media to consistently use her as a punching bag, pointing to the recent focus of many on the right connecting her to a 2010 deal in which the US approved the sale of the Canadian energy company Uranium One to a Russian nuclear energy firm. 
"There is a deliberate effort to misinterpret facts—like the whole Uranium One charge, you know, that is something that has been kept alive despite constant debunking, similar to the tragedy in Benghazi, where, you know, I testified at length," Clinton said. 
NOTE:  The one spinning the alleged “debunking” is about to face a firestorm over published reports of ever-growing sleaziness.  Investors.com reports the emerging news is exposing the collusion between Fusion GPS, the Democrats and the Russians to eliminate an opponent that spelled trouble for all of them.
Hewitt asked one final question of the Ice Cube In Heels: “How many 2020 candidates have been asking you for help already?
Laughing, she answered, “Well, I have to say that my message to anybody who is thinking about 2020 is stay focused on 2018. I think it is, it is too soon to start worrying about 2020. And yeah, you’re right. David Plouffe came to see me, but I didn’t really follow up on what he said for quite some time, because you know, it’s such an overwhelming, exhausting experience putting together a campaign, you know, doing the intensive travel, the schedule you have to keep. And it didn’t used to last as long as it does now. You know, my husband announced for the presidency in October of 1991. So, I think that people can and should wait until we see what happens in the 2018 election.”
“Nobody’s actually been to see me. I see Democrats all the time, and nobody has said ‘Hey, I’m going to run,’ or ‘I’m thinking about running, give me advice now,’ because it is too soon. And there may be some private planning going on by some people. I wouldn’t know who. I wouldn’t hazard a guess. But in terms of actually seeking out advice, people have said hey, I want to come talk to you. But I haven’t had those conversations, in large measure, because I’ve said I’m going to focus next year on 2018, and then you know, I’ll be happy to talk,” she added.
So, all the Democrats are going to scramble to HillaryMart for her Black Friday sale on election advice.  This offer is void in Wisconsin.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

The 2017 Foolitzer Prize

I think we can all agree the 2016 Presidential Election was turbulent.  Even before Donald J. Trump was elected president he was critical of the mainstream media and never shied away from letting his supporters know it at his huge rallies and through his direct communication with the nation via Twitter, Facebook and Instagram rather than speaking through the stenographers and lap dogs for the Democrat Party.
Journalists have rejected the importance of the sacredness of facts jockeying for top billing in trendlines on Twitter to become celebrities in their own right.  Jim Acosta, call your office.
What they fail to realize is they are not just writing for the moment, but for history.  Every time they distort facts, leak national security information, pay for fake dossiers or shill for Democrats they weaken their byline.
Blogger friend Don Surber wants to “weed out the bad actors from all the superior people who have devoted their lives speaking truth to power” and has devised The Foolitzer Prize to be awarded to the best fake news of 2017.
He is asking readers to nominate the stories, personnel and news organizations deserving of “special recognition for their terrible works this year.”
The Pulitzer Prize was established 100 years ago and was meant to recognize “the most disinterested and meritorious public service rendered by any American newspaper”.  The test was “strict accuracy, terseness, the accomplishment of some public good commanding public attention and respect.”
The liberal Left idolizes yellow journalism and muckraking.  British author Sydney Brooks (1872-1937) noted in the weekly journal The Living Age, Vol. 272, page 67 The American Yellow Press, “journalism is a contest of madmen for the primacy of the sewer.”
I hope you’ll hop over to Don’s blog and join in on the fun to nominate your favorite sewer rat journalist.

Wishing You And Those Dear To You A Wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Thanksgiving Is Not A Good Day To Be Your Pants

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the official start of the holiday season and the reason gym memberships peak in the New Year.
Thanksgiving is intended to be about gratitude. Charles Manson is grateful he only had to serve one of his nine consecutive life sentences.
The rest of us are thankful for the feast of roasted turkey, cranberries in the shape of a can, the delectable stuffing crammed inside the poor bird’s carcass and, of course, glorious pies.
Even the dog knows Thanksgiving is a special day.  Sniffing for tidbits the other 364 days goes out the window.  It’s literally raining food:  peas roll off the plate, chunks of turkey go flying on the floor, gravy drips and somebody is always handing food under the table.  
Everybody knows the bird isn’t the only thing getting stuffed for Thanksgiving.  That’s why you need fat pants.  Amirite?
Forget about unbuttoning and unzipping your pants or letting out your bathrobe.  You can go in for that third helping of Sweet Potato Pie and avoid being embarrassed.  Behold, elastic Thanksgiving dinner pants with style.
To allow people to enjoy more of Thanksgiving in comfort and style, the Stove Top company has designed a pair of unisex maroon pants with an elastic waistband that can expand up to two times their original size. But that’s not all: The pants also feature an image of stuffing that rests right on top of your belly that only the brave can pull off.
Think I’m kidding? Stove Top had a limited supply through November 13th and they’re sold out.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Please pass the stuffing.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Dirt Bag Bingo

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to…Dirt Bag Bingo.
Hello and welcome to Dirt Bag Bingo.  I’m your host Justin Sider.  Today, we have two new contestants and one returning champion.
JUSTIN:  John, tell us a little bit about yourself.
JOHN:  A month ago my Auntie Maxine was addressing the National Women’s March organizers in Detroit about the “rape culture” among Hollywood and media celebrities and she gave me a wonderful shout-out.  She said, “You know, there is a member of Congress who has been supportive of women for many, many, many years.  He is quiet, he is confident, he is powerful, but he has impeccable integrity on all of our issues.”
JUSTIN:  Bless your heart.  Al, you’ve been patient while John rambled on.  Why don’t you share with us a little something about yourself?
AL:  I used to work as a writer for a well-known comedy show on NBC.  Frankly, I’ve been in a little trouble lately but my female friends from that show wrote a lovely letter explaining what a delightful fellow I am; how I’m a family man.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.
I respect women. I don't respect men who don't. And the fact that my own actions have given people a good reason to doubt that makes me feel ashamed. Coming from the world of comedy, I've told and written a lot of jokes that I once thought were funny but later came to realize were just plain offensive.
I think my friends just made things worse for me by writing that letter.  The proof was in a tweet from @Laura_Moe who wrote, “Ted Bundy was well-liked by his co-workers too.”
JUSTIN:  Thanks for that deliciously banal Crisis Communications Script.  Now, let’s hear from our returning champion, Bubba.
BUBBA:  Politics gives a guy so much power they tend to behave badly around women and I hope I never get into that.  Hold my beer.
JUSTIN:  That’s all the time we have.  Join us again tomorrow for another stimulating round of Dirt Bag Bingo.

Someone REALLY Needs To Tell Her

I’m not a big fan of the superhero genre with the possible exceptions of Wade Wilson AKA Deadpool, the anti-heroic persona known as the “Merc with a Mouth” and the bizarre blue-costumed Tick who seems to have no memory of his life before becoming the surrealistic parody of a superhero.  These guys are genuinely funny.
What is not funny is a used-up, too-mad-to-just-go-away Hillary Clinton fantasizing about being the President of an imaginary Earth 2.
Her Worship giggled during an interview with Nico Pintey of the liberal online news outlet Now This pretending she won the Presidency in another dimension.  Pintey began the interview saying, “People joke about Earth 2 where you are President.” She answered, “You know we may have just found it!”
The hag was asked how she would tackle the issues facing the United States today, like North Korea, gun control, the opioid crisis and Russia.  None of her answers matter.  “If I had been President, or on Earth 2 where I am, I would have an independent commission look into the alleged hacking of the presidential election.”
Meanwhile, while his wife dreamed of being President, Bill Clinton was doing his publicity boost for the Clinton Foundation among the Puerto Rican homeless.
God knows, if anything needs boosting, it’s the swamped-by-corruption rumors of the pay-for-play Clinton Foundation and the new charges of sexual assault from four women against the 71-year-old Oval Office predator.
According to sources in Clinton's inner circle, the four women are said to be ready to air their accusations of sexual assault at a press conference, making Clinton the latest—and most famous—figure in a long list of men who have recently been accused of sexual assault.
The new allegations refer to incidents that took place more than ten years ago when Clinton was hired by playboy billionaire Ron Burkle to work at his Yucaipa companies. 
Clinton helped Burkle generate business and flew around the world with a flock of beautiful young women on Burkle's private jet, which was nicknamed “Air Fuck One.”
The four women, who have not yet revealed their identities, were employed in low-level positions at the Burkle organization when they were in their late teens and claim they were sexually assaulted by the former president. 
Contacted for a comment on the women's allegations, a member of Clinton's legal team said, “Obviously, I'm aware of the allegations but can't talk about them.”
The new charges are likely to revive the debate over why Democrats defended Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal and why liberals and feminists ignored credible charges of sexual assault against Bubba, not only from Paula Jones, but also from Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, and others.
“Bill is distraught at the thought of having to testify and defend himself against sex charges again,” said a Democratic Party official who is familiar with the case. 
“He hopes his legal team can somehow stop the women from filing charges and dragging him through the mud.”
The source added that Hillary Clinton is furious with her husband for getting entangled in yet another sexual scandal.  
She reportedly offered to hire private detectives to dig up dirt on the women, but Bubba’s attorneys persuaded her to not interfere. 
“In the past Hillary had a team of detectives that managed to silence a number of women in Little Rock who had complaints about Bill's unwanted sexual advances,” said the source.  “But now Hillary admits there's a different atmosphere in our culture about sexual harassment and it's not possible to intimidate women into silence about charges once they make up their mind to speak up.  Hillary wants to remain in the public eye as a leader of the Resistance to Donald Trump and play a major role in politics for years to come, including maybe even running for president again in 2020,” the source continued. 
“She's afraid this latest scandal could destroy the Clinton legacy and torpedo her plans.”
At least in space, where Hillary laments she wishes she lived, no one can hear you scream. 

Monday, November 20, 2017

Flowing Curves Of Beauty


The ideal woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naïve to know she's way out of your league.