Friday, May 22, 2015

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Donald Trumpetfish, Apprenticus Televismus, is widespread throughout the tropical waters of western Atlantic Ocean from Florida to Brazil including the Caribbean Sea and the Gulf of Mexico. It is found as far north as the cooler waters around Atlantic City.

The gills are pectinate, oddly enough resembling the teeth of a comb. Trumpetfish swim slowly, sneaking up on unsuspecting prey, or lying motionless, swaying back and forth with the wave action of the water. They are adept at camouflaging themselves and often swim in alignment with sharks, or other, larger fishes. They feed almost exclusively on smaller fish.

Although some Trumpetfish have been known to mate for life, the Donald Trumpetfish does not do well in captivity.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Boko Haram

Remember the soaring rhetoric of the 2008 Democratic nominee who promised, “Generations from now we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal?”

At his commencement address to the United States Coast Guard Academy, The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer inadvertently admitted to those graduates that he overpromised that entire pabulum declaring, “The planet is getting warmer,” and lectured them on “the urgent need to combat and adapt to climate change.”

“Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that climate change is real,” he insisted.  “Denying it or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security.  It undermines the readiness of our forces.  It is a dereliction of duty.”

He laughably linked extreme weather to the rise of Boko Haram and the outbreak of war in Syria.  He recited a litany of weather disasters he claimed were caused by climate change and geopolitical unrest.

His absurd obsession is doubtless the reason he missed the threat of ISIS and he wields the subject as a distraction to dodge the “setbacks” of recent days.  He is not only an incompetent president he is an epically stupid weatherman.

That’s not a warm front amassing in the “caliphate”; it’s a horde of marauding fiends and those who have had their heads chopped off didn’t die due to a little drizzle.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Bernie Panders (Socialismus fulgens), also called "Red" or lesser panda, not to be confused with the lesser pander, which is associated with the Clinton Foundation. The Bernie Panders is a small arboreal mammal native to Vermont. 

The specific epithet fulgens is Latin for "shining", which may refer to the path taken by the reds. Panda is the French name for the Roman goddess of peace and travelers, whereas the Pander is more amenable to fellow travelers. The species is generally quiet except for some twittering, tweeting, and Facebook communication. It has been reported to be both nocturnal and crepuscular. 

Results of phylogenetic research and party affiliation indicate strong support for its taxonomic classification in its own family Progressivae, along with the weasel, raccoon and skunk families. Primarily the former and the latter. 

The Bernie Panders is considered a living fossil and only distantly related to the giant pander (Stainedbluedressicus embarrasae).

Flowing Curves Of Beauty

“And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you.” 
 Kurt Vonnegut

Friday, May 15, 2015

He Bent Notes To Make Them Cry

From his official website, B.B. King sent a message on May 1, 2015 to his fans announcing, “I am in home hospice care at my residence in Las Vegas. Thanks to all for your well wishes and prayers.”

The voice that gave us honey-sweet vocals and passionate licks on his beloved guitar Lucille fell silent today.

B.B. King was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in 1990 at the age to 64.  He lived his life on the road sometimes spending 300 days a year performing.  His lifestyle made it difficult to follow the measures needed to prevent or reduce complications associated with the disease.

He had been rushed to the hospital in late 2014 forcing him to cancel his remaining performances.  Published reports say his daughters suspected his manager of stealing his money and neglecting his medical care.  They told a judge they had been blocked from seeing their father and accused manager, Laverne Toney, of elder abuse.

Reports say the cause of death was dehydration and exhaustion.  As a person with diabetes, I spent many years traveling across the country as a mentor giving presentations on managing diabetes and how to achieve good blood sugar control through helpful suggestions and encouragement so that people could enjoy a healthier life.

Today, I am saddened to hear of the passing of “The King of Blues.”  His suffering is over.  May he rest in peace.

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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Hillarymadillos Showmethecashimus Serverblankimus, are New World Order placental mammals with a leathery armor shell. Because of this, Hillarymadillos prefer to be photographed only in soft focus. This armor-like skin ,although thin, appears to be the main defense of the Hillarymadillo, though some escape predatory reporters by fleeing, often into vans and prearranged photo ops, from which their armor protects them. When startled by honest questions, the species frequently roll up into a ball. 

Hillarymadillos have been spotted in Illinois, as far south as Arkansas and primarily can be found in New York state. The Hillarymadillo has very poor eyesight and are prolific diggers. Many species use their sharp claws to grub for money, preferably gold and cash. Bearer bonds, Russian caviar and large speaking fees have been known to lure the species from its lair.

 Hillarymadillos are solitary animals that do not share.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Halperin® - Non-Narcotic Sleep Aid

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Mark Halperin conducted a shamefully racist interview with Ted Cruz, asking questions no self respecting reporter would ever ask of a candidate's ethnicity. Think Progress, which is a little to the left of Marx, Engels and Alinsky, offered this headline:

Personally, his name sounds like it could be a substitute for Sominex. Listening to his interviews may have the same effect. No one knows. No one has actually been able to sit through an entire one.

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Flowing Curves Of Beauty

“Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice.” 


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