Friday, November 24, 2017

Alabama Crimson Tide Vs Auburn Tigers: The 82nd Iron Bowl

Alrighty SEC fans.  The annual battle in a long-standing war between the Alabama Crimson Tide and the flea-infested War Eagle will take place on the gridiron of Jordan-Hare Stadium.
The cross-state rivals will battle for the second time in four years for the Southeastern Conference Western Division Championship for a shot at East Division Champs─the Jawja Bulldawgs in Atlanta.  The SEC West crown will not be bestowed without a bloody-knuckle grudge match.  This year Bama is a favorite, but by only 4.5 points.  Hoo boy!
ESPN’s Matchup Predictor gives the Tide a 60.6% probability of victory against the Tigers.  After 81 Iron Bowl games, Alabama leads the series 45-35-1.  None of that matters.
Auburn fans crow incessantly about the 1963 game in which Joe Namath was bested by backup QB Mailon Kent to win 10-6 and the 1972 “Punt Bama Punt” game in which the Tide was forced to punt the ball two times in the fourth quarter.  Both kicks were blocked and returned for touchdowns erasing a 16-0 lead and Auburn winning the game 17-16.
In the final quarter of the 78th Iron Bowl, Auburn rallied to tie the game 28-28 with 32 seconds left on the game clock.  After the Tigers punted the ball, the Tide lined up on the 38-yard line with no time left on the clock.  The game would have gone into overtime but Coach Saban challenged the time-keeping call and one second was put back on the clock.  Bama lined up for a field goal attempt that didn’t have enough distance.  The Tigers’ Chris Davis caught the ball in the end zone running the entire distance of the field scoring the winning touchdown.
If the report from Matt Zenitz is true inside linebacker Christian Miller who was injured in the season opener against FSU is expected to be cleared to play against Auburn and Terrell Lewis is “on track to return soon as well, though likely the SEC Championship Game, if the Tide makes it there.”
I hate the “Barners” and nothing could be more delicious than denying them their beloved tradition of tossing toilet paper after a victory, known as “rolling the oaks” in Toomer’s Corner.

Come To HillaryMart For Black Friday Savings On Election Advice

In what can only be described as an astounding turn of events, twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary The Hag appeared on Salem Radio Network’s Hugh Hewitt show for a 30-minute interview.
It appears she consented to the interview with the conservative radio talk show host to hawk her book What Happened.
Hewitt carefully crafted his questions, but the unconvicted felon railed against what she characterized as attempts by the right-wing media to consistently use her as a punching bag, pointing to the recent focus of many on the right connecting her to a 2010 deal in which the US approved the sale of the Canadian energy company Uranium One to a Russian nuclear energy firm. 
"There is a deliberate effort to misinterpret facts—like the whole Uranium One charge, you know, that is something that has been kept alive despite constant debunking, similar to the tragedy in Benghazi, where, you know, I testified at length," Clinton said. 
NOTE:  The one spinning the alleged “debunking” is about to face a firestorm over published reports of ever-growing sleaziness. reports the emerging news is exposing the collusion between Fusion GPS, the Democrats and the Russians to eliminate an opponent that spelled trouble for all of them.
Hewitt asked one final question of the Ice Cube In Heels: “How many 2020 candidates have been asking you for help already?
Laughing, she answered, “Well, I have to say that my message to anybody who is thinking about 2020 is stay focused on 2018. I think it is, it is too soon to start worrying about 2020. And yeah, you’re right. David Plouffe came to see me, but I didn’t really follow up on what he said for quite some time, because you know, it’s such an overwhelming, exhausting experience putting together a campaign, you know, doing the intensive travel, the schedule you have to keep. And it didn’t used to last as long as it does now. You know, my husband announced for the presidency in October of 1991. So, I think that people can and should wait until we see what happens in the 2018 election.”
“Nobody’s actually been to see me. I see Democrats all the time, and nobody has said ‘Hey, I’m going to run,’ or ‘I’m thinking about running, give me advice now,’ because it is too soon. And there may be some private planning going on by some people. I wouldn’t know who. I wouldn’t hazard a guess. But in terms of actually seeking out advice, people have said hey, I want to come talk to you. But I haven’t had those conversations, in large measure, because I’ve said I’m going to focus next year on 2018, and then you know, I’ll be happy to talk,” she added.
So, all the Democrats are going to scramble to HillaryMart for her Black Friday sale on election advice.  This offer is void in Wisconsin.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

The 2017 Foolitzer Prize

I think we can all agree the 2016 Presidential Election was turbulent.  Even before Donald J. Trump was elected president he was critical of the mainstream media and never shied away from letting his supporters know it at his huge rallies and through his direct communication with the nation via Twitter, Facebook and Instagram rather than speaking through the stenographers and lap dogs for the Democrat Party.
Journalists have rejected the importance of the sacredness of facts jockeying for top billing in trendlines on Twitter to become celebrities in their own right.  Jim Acosta, call your office.
What they fail to realize is they are not just writing for the moment, but for history.  Every time they distort facts, leak national security information, pay for fake dossiers or shill for Democrats they weaken their byline.
Blogger friend Don Surber wants to “weed out the bad actors from all the superior people who have devoted their lives speaking truth to power” and has devised The Foolitzer Prize to be awarded to the best fake news of 2017.
He is asking readers to nominate the stories, personnel and news organizations deserving of “special recognition for their terrible works this year.”
The Pulitzer Prize was established 100 years ago and was meant to recognize “the most disinterested and meritorious public service rendered by any American newspaper”.  The test was “strict accuracy, terseness, the accomplishment of some public good commanding public attention and respect.”
The liberal Left idolizes yellow journalism and muckraking.  British author Sydney Brooks (1872-1937) noted in the weekly journal The Living Age, Vol. 272, page 67 The American Yellow Press, “journalism is a contest of madmen for the primacy of the sewer.”
I hope you’ll hop over to Don’s blog and join in on the fun to nominate your favorite sewer rat journalist.

Wishing You And Those Dear To You A Wonderful Thanksgiving Day!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Thanksgiving Is Not A Good Day To Be Your Pants

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the official start of the holiday season and the reason gym memberships peak in the New Year.
Thanksgiving is intended to be about gratitude. Charles Manson is grateful he only had to serve one of his nine consecutive life sentences.
The rest of us are thankful for the feast of roasted turkey, cranberries in the shape of a can, the delectable stuffing crammed inside the poor bird’s carcass and, of course, glorious pies.
Even the dog knows Thanksgiving is a special day.  Sniffing for tidbits the other 364 days goes out the window.  It’s literally raining food:  peas roll off the plate, chunks of turkey go flying on the floor, gravy drips and somebody is always handing food under the table.  
Everybody knows the bird isn’t the only thing getting stuffed for Thanksgiving.  That’s why you need fat pants.  Amirite?
Forget about unbuttoning and unzipping your pants or letting out your bathrobe.  You can go in for that third helping of Sweet Potato Pie and avoid being embarrassed.  Behold, elastic Thanksgiving dinner pants with style.
To allow people to enjoy more of Thanksgiving in comfort and style, the Stove Top company has designed a pair of unisex maroon pants with an elastic waistband that can expand up to two times their original size. But that’s not all: The pants also feature an image of stuffing that rests right on top of your belly that only the brave can pull off.
Think I’m kidding? Stove Top had a limited supply through November 13th and they’re sold out.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Please pass the stuffing.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Dirt Bag Bingo

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to…Dirt Bag Bingo.
Hello and welcome to Dirt Bag Bingo.  I’m your host Justin Sider.  Today, we have two new contestants and one returning champion.
JUSTIN:  John, tell us a little bit about yourself.
JOHN:  A month ago my Auntie Maxine was addressing the National Women’s March organizers in Detroit about the “rape culture” among Hollywood and media celebrities and she gave me a wonderful shout-out.  She said, “You know, there is a member of Congress who has been supportive of women for many, many, many years.  He is quiet, he is confident, he is powerful, but he has impeccable integrity on all of our issues.”
JUSTIN:  Bless your heart.  Al, you’ve been patient while John rambled on.  Why don’t you share with us a little something about yourself?
AL:  I used to work as a writer for a well-known comedy show on NBC.  Frankly, I’ve been in a little trouble lately but my female friends from that show wrote a lovely letter explaining what a delightful fellow I am; how I’m a family man.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.
I respect women. I don't respect men who don't. And the fact that my own actions have given people a good reason to doubt that makes me feel ashamed. Coming from the world of comedy, I've told and written a lot of jokes that I once thought were funny but later came to realize were just plain offensive.
I think my friends just made things worse for me by writing that letter.  The proof was in a tweet from @Laura_Moe who wrote, “Ted Bundy was well-liked by his co-workers too.”
JUSTIN:  Thanks for that deliciously banal Crisis Communications Script.  Now, let’s hear from our returning champion, Bubba.
BUBBA:  Politics gives a guy so much power they tend to behave badly around women and I hope I never get into that.  Hold my beer.
JUSTIN:  That’s all the time we have.  Join us again tomorrow for another stimulating round of Dirt Bag Bingo.

Someone REALLY Needs To Tell Her

I’m not a big fan of the superhero genre with the possible exceptions of Wade Wilson AKA Deadpool, the anti-heroic persona known as the “Merc with a Mouth” and the bizarre blue-costumed Tick who seems to have no memory of his life before becoming the surrealistic parody of a superhero.  These guys are genuinely funny.
What is not funny is a used-up, too-mad-to-just-go-away Hillary Clinton fantasizing about being the President of an imaginary Earth 2.
Her Worship giggled during an interview with Nico Pintey of the liberal online news outlet Now This pretending she won the Presidency in another dimension.  Pintey began the interview saying, “People joke about Earth 2 where you are President.” She answered, “You know we may have just found it!”
The hag was asked how she would tackle the issues facing the United States today, like North Korea, gun control, the opioid crisis and Russia.  None of her answers matter.  “If I had been President, or on Earth 2 where I am, I would have an independent commission look into the alleged hacking of the presidential election.”
Meanwhile, while his wife dreamed of being President, Bill Clinton was doing his publicity boost for the Clinton Foundation among the Puerto Rican homeless.
God knows, if anything needs boosting, it’s the swamped-by-corruption rumors of the pay-for-play Clinton Foundation and the new charges of sexual assault from four women against the 71-year-old Oval Office predator.
According to sources in Clinton's inner circle, the four women are said to be ready to air their accusations of sexual assault at a press conference, making Clinton the latest—and most famous—figure in a long list of men who have recently been accused of sexual assault.
The new allegations refer to incidents that took place more than ten years ago when Clinton was hired by playboy billionaire Ron Burkle to work at his Yucaipa companies. 
Clinton helped Burkle generate business and flew around the world with a flock of beautiful young women on Burkle's private jet, which was nicknamed “Air Fuck One.”
The four women, who have not yet revealed their identities, were employed in low-level positions at the Burkle organization when they were in their late teens and claim they were sexually assaulted by the former president. 
Contacted for a comment on the women's allegations, a member of Clinton's legal team said, “Obviously, I'm aware of the allegations but can't talk about them.”
The new charges are likely to revive the debate over why Democrats defended Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal and why liberals and feminists ignored credible charges of sexual assault against Bubba, not only from Paula Jones, but also from Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, and others.
“Bill is distraught at the thought of having to testify and defend himself against sex charges again,” said a Democratic Party official who is familiar with the case. 
“He hopes his legal team can somehow stop the women from filing charges and dragging him through the mud.”
The source added that Hillary Clinton is furious with her husband for getting entangled in yet another sexual scandal.  
She reportedly offered to hire private detectives to dig up dirt on the women, but Bubba’s attorneys persuaded her to not interfere. 
“In the past Hillary had a team of detectives that managed to silence a number of women in Little Rock who had complaints about Bill's unwanted sexual advances,” said the source.  “But now Hillary admits there's a different atmosphere in our culture about sexual harassment and it's not possible to intimidate women into silence about charges once they make up their mind to speak up.  Hillary wants to remain in the public eye as a leader of the Resistance to Donald Trump and play a major role in politics for years to come, including maybe even running for president again in 2020,” the source continued. 
“She's afraid this latest scandal could destroy the Clinton legacy and torpedo her plans.”
At least in space, where Hillary laments she wishes she lived, no one can hear you scream. 

Monday, November 20, 2017

Flowing Curves Of Beauty

The ideal woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty and is, most importantly, too naïve to know she's way out of your league.


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