The Sexual Harassment Apocalypse: The Shock At 30 Rock

NBC has fired its leading morning news anchor Matt Lauer over a sexual harassment allegation, the network’s president for news said in a memo to staff on Wednesday.

Matt Lauer allegedly sexually assaulted a female NBC staffer during the Sochi Winter Olympics in 2014.

An NBC insider said Lauer’s alleged victim complained to HR on Monday: “This happened so quickly. She didn’t go to the media, she made a complaint to NBC’s human resources, and her evidence was so compelling Lauer was fired on Tuesday night. The victim says she has evidence that this has also happened to other women, but so far we don’t have evidence of that.”

Another source revealed the decision to fire Lauer was made late Tuesday night by NBC News chairman Andy Lack.

Lauer’s firing comes amid rumors that several news outlets were working on stories about his alleged sexual misconduct.

Reporters for the New York Times had been investigating Lauer for several weeks, according to sources who had been contacted by the paper.

In a published report from Closer Weekly on November 21, Lauer had decided to leave Today when his estimated $25 million-a-year contract expired in 2018.  Citing his ongoing rivalry with Megyn Kelly and his desire to see more of his family his “heart just wasn’t in the job this past year.”

Lauer is 59.  His children are aged 16, 14 and 10.  He wanted to see more of his family?  I’m pretty sure his wife Annette doesn’t want to see him ever again.

Now that the Lauer chair is open, the Today Show can hire Keith Olbermann to provide upbeat morning banter and psychotic meltdowns

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 29, 2017

First Charlie Rose, then Matt Lauer. Good thing George Stephanopoulos has experience in dealing with bimbo eruptions

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 29, 2017

"The @nytimes and @Variety had been investigating alleged misconduct by Lauer for several weeks" -- per @brianstelter, who also says he believes the New York Times will release a report later today https://t.co/NrNlx6KwV5

— Rebecca Cardenas (@RebeccaWSMV) November 29, 2017

UPDATE 11-29-17 4:11 PM:  The in-depth investigation promised earlier this morning from Variety has been published revealing the results of a two-month investigation with dozens of interviews with current and former staffers.

The New York Times exposé, also promised this morning, can be found here.

Dirt Bag Bingo

There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to…Dirt Bag Bingo.

Hello and welcome to Dirt Bag Bingo.  I’m your host Justin Sider.  Today, we have two new contestants and one returning champion.

JUSTIN:  John, tell us a little bit about yourself.

JOHN:  A month ago my Auntie Maxine was addressing the National Women’s March organizers in Detroit about the “rape culture” among Hollywood and media celebrities and she gave me a wonderful shout-out.  She said, “You know, there is a member of Congress who has been supportive of women for many, many, many years.  He is quiet, he is confident, he is powerful, but he has impeccable integrity on all of our issues.”

JUSTIN:  Bless your heart.  Al, you’ve been patient while John rambled on.  Why don’t you share with us a little something about yourself?

AL:  I used to work as a writer for a well-known comedy show on NBC.  Frankly, I’ve been in a little trouble lately but my female friends from that show wrote a lovely letter explaining what a delightful fellow I am; how I’m a family man.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I respect women. I don't respect men who don't. And the fact that my own actions have given people a good reason to doubt that makes me feel ashamed. Coming from the world of comedy, I've told and written a lot of jokes that I once thought were funny but later came to realize were just plain offensive.

I think my friends just made things worse for me by writing that letter.  The proof was in a tweet from @Laura_Moe who wrote, “Ted Bundy was well-liked by his co-workers too.”

JUSTIN:  Thanks for that deliciously banal Crisis Communications Script.  Now, let’s hear from our returning champion, Bubba.

BUBBA:  Politics gives a guy so much power they tend to behave badly around women and I hope I never get into that.  Hold my beer.

JUSTIN:  That’s all the time we have.  Join us again tomorrow for another stimulating round of Dirt Bag Bingo.

There’s Always Room For Comey

Bill Cosby, the guy who became known as “America’s Dad” for his role as Dr. Cliff Huxtable in the popular 1980s TV sitcom The Cosby Show, is no longer the funny man who felt like family to so many viewers.

The now infamous Cosby has been accused of preying on upwards of 58 women by sedating them and rendering them incapable of resisting his sexual assaults.

His sitcom celebrity won him a contract with Kraft Foods the maker Jello™ Pudding Pops.  When Cosby was accused of sexual misconduct the company took steps to rebrand the product.

“The first step is to rebrand Pudding Pops,” said Product Manager Katharine Parkinson. “The shape and color of some of our Pudding Pops have taken on negative associations through no fault of our own,” she stressed. “We don’t want people to think of Bill Cosby when they put a Pudding Pop into their mouths, or the mouths of their children. Unfortunately, our chocolate Pop is too suggestive of the very acts Bill Cosby is being accused of committing.  We’re protecting a wholesome, cherished treat enjoyed by millions of people around the world.”

Reuters News Service reported the other day Cosby’s homeowner’s insurance company; American International Group (AIG) must defend him against three civil defamation lawsuits in Massachusetts.

AIG had sought declarations that Cosby's policies excused it from defending and indemnifying him against personal injury claims "arising out of" sexual misconduct, as distinct from personal injury claims such as defamation.

The women had alleged that Cosby harmed their reputations, including through his representatives, by calling them liars after they publicized their allegations.

Because Hillary Clinton eluded prosecution from FBI Director James Comey for her misuse of classified emails, Cosby asked his judge for Hillary’s attorney.

NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEY:  The last paragraph is untrue but wouldn’t surprise any of us now would it?