Has North Korea’s Fatso Launched His Last Rocket?

The Daily NK, a South Korean-based news service focusing on its neighbor to the North, reported that Kim Jong Un had undergone surgery on April 12 for a cardiovascular issue caused by “excessive smoking, obesity and overwork.”

Two days later, the hermit kingdom fired a series of cruise missiles off the eastern coast of the Korean peninsula. Kim was conspicuously absent during the launches. The following day, April 15, Kim was not seen during the annual commemoration of his grandfather’s birthday known as “Day of the Sun”.

A spokesman for the South Korean presidency, Kang Min-seok, said in a brief statement in response to the reports, “We have nothing to confirm and there has been no unusual activity detected in North Korea.”

Whatever the validity of reports about the tin pot dictator’s health, they draw attention once again to the issue of succession in the “sacred” Kim dynasty.

One thing is certain, the vultures are circling his hospital bed.  When Kim’s sister was promoted to the position of First Vice Department Director of the Workers’ Party of Korea Central Committee it was seen as a move she was being groomed for a leadership role.  You’ll remember she was incessantly photographed at the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea and at key summit meetings with President Trump and South Korean President Moon Jae-in.

The Daily NK is reportedly staffed by North Korean defectors. News of the tyrant’s imminent death gets everybody jacked up. Normally you would take any “news” proffered by the likes of CNN with a grain of salt.  In this case, however, I recommend taking it with a bucket of the stuff.  I won’t believe the news until I see a funeral procession.

Kim Jong Un's hopeful demise gives us the occasion for the cross-cultural collaboration we never knew we needed:

Ghanaian pallbearers and Gangnam Style--surprisingly, it works quite well.

H/t @mikhaelsmits for the idea! https://t.co/WbDB7D0Xbl pic.twitter.com/pPcRsyG4zH

— Matthew Foldi (@MatthewFoldi) April 21, 2020

He Who Gigglefits Last Gigglefits Best

Nancy Pelosi got whipsawed today. 

Before her weekly press conference, the letter President Trump sent to North Korea’s Kim Jong Un informing him he had canceled the June 12 summit in Singapore reached members of Congress and was being widely reported across all news outlets.

When she took the lectern, she was queried about the news.  She said the North Korean leader was the “big winner”.  Pelosi said, “I think it’s a good thing for Kim Jong Un. Here you had a thug, a person who killed his own family members, a person who runs a police state, being legitimized by the President of the United States. They were on par with each other. He got global recognition and regard. He’s the big winner. When he got this letter from the president saying ‘OK, never mind’—he must be having a giggle fit right there in North Korea.”

She added, “This takes preparation. This takes knowledge. This takes judgment. And clearly it takes preparation, which the President didn’t make. It’s clear he didn’t know what he was getting into, and now he’s walking away from it in this very chummy, palsy-walsy letter to Kim Jong Un. He, Kim Jong Un, is the big winner. It’s unfortunate because as you say you want to be optimistic.”

Around 7:00 PM reports were coming in that Vice Foreign Minister Kim Kye-Gwan had issued a statement in response to the President’s letter vowing to continue to pursue peace and signaled it would give Washington more time to consider talks.

“Our goal and will is to do everything for peace and stability of the Korean Peninsula and mankind remains unchanged and we are always willing to give an opportunity to the U.S. side with a big and open mind.  We express our intent that there is willingness to sit at any time, in any way to resolve issues.”

Kim Is Skeer’d

Yesterday when news broke through the North Korean state-run Yonhap News Agency casting doubt on next month's summit between Kim Jong Un and President Trump over joint Air Force Max Thunder drills taking place in South Korea, the news agency declared, "This exercise targeting us, which is being carried out across South Korea, is a flagrant challenge to the Panmunjom Declaration and an intentional military provocation running counter to the positive political development on the Korean Peninsula."

"The United States will also have to undertake careful deliberations about the fate of the planned North Korea-U.S. summit in light of this provocative military ruckus jointly conducted with the South Korean authorities.”

Today, the hermit nation decided pissing and moaning about drills, which have taken place for decades, wasn’t a suitable enough excuse and took aim at National Security Advisor John Bolton for remarks he made about “the Libya model” in April on CBS’s Face the Nation.

“I think we're looking at the Libya model of 2003, 2004. We're also looking at what North Korea itself has committed to previously and most importantly I think going back over a quarter of a century to the 1992 joint North-South denuclearization agreement where North Korea committed to give up nuclear weapons and committed to give up uranium enrichment and plutonium reprocessing. Now we've got other issues to discuss as well; their ballistic missile programs, their biological and chemical weapons programs, their keeping of American hostages, the abduction of innocent Japanese and South Korean citizens over the years. So, there's a lot to talk about.”

"In the case of Libya, for example, and it's a different situation in some respects...One thing that Libya did that led us to overcome our skepticism was that they allowed American and British observers into all their nuclear-related sites." (It should be noted Gaddafi allowed certification that his nuclear and chemical weapons program had halted after the U.S. invaded Iraq and deposed the brutal dictator Saddam Hussein.)

The bluster coming from Pyongyang apparently is emanating Kim Kye-gwan, a senior figure in the North Korean hierarchy who has negotiated with the U.S. before. In 2003, North Korea refused to participate in multilateral talks if Bolton was present after he labelled then leader Kim Jong-il a “tyrannical dictator”, a memory which the regime invoked on Wednesday.

"We do not hide our feelings of repugnance towards him," said Kye-gwan, warning the Trump Administration to remember the lessons of the past. 

If the “Libya model” comparison carries dark connotations for the  rogue nation, perhaps someone needs to forcefully remind them Muammar Gaddafi was killed on October 20, 2011.  Bolton left government service on December 31, 2006.

Who was POTUS? Barack Obama.  Who was Secretary of State? Hillary Clinton.  Who was Secretary of Defense? Leon Panetta.

On August 22, 2011 the cumulative efforts of the international coalition bore fruit when exuberant rebels stormed the Qaddafi compound in Tripoli. The dictator was still at large, but his reign was over.

Hillary Clinton’s old friend and political adviser, Sidney Blumenthal, who regularly emailed her political advice and vaguely sourced intelligence reports on Libya, urged her to capitalize on the dictator’s fall.

“Brava!” Blumenthal exclaimed. As always, he was thinking about Hillary’s presidential ambitions. “You must go on camera. You must establish yourself in the historical record at this moment.” She should be sure to use the phrase “successful strategy,” he wrote. “You are vindicated.”

The first news reports of Qaddafi’s capture and killing in October 2011 reached the Secretary of State in Kabul, Afghanistan where she had just sat down for a televised interview with CBS News. “Wow!” she said, looking at Huma Abedin’s BlackBerry™ before cautiously noting that the report had not yet been confirmed. But Hillary Clinton seemed impatient for a conclusion to the multinational military intervention she had done so much to organize, and in a rare unguarded moment, she dropped her aloofness.

“We came, we saw, he died!” she exclaimed.

The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer said the biggest mistake of his presidency was the lack of planning for the aftermath of Muammar Gaddafi’s ouster in Libya that left the country spiraling into chaos and coming under threat from violent Islamic extremists. He conceded the intervention “didn’t work”.

A year later four Americans were brutally slaughtered in Benghazi.

Rocket Man Cracks Missile Joke At Historic Korean Summit

According to the NY Daily News, as Kim Jong Un crossed the Demilitarized Zone to meet with South Korea’s President Moon Jae In, he sought to create a light-hearted moment.

Kim joked with his counterpart, “I won’t interrupt your early morning sleep anymore.”

I'm.... so.... Friendry. I'm friendry and grad to make friends. Now dat no one, thinks I'm crazy, about to raunch missires again. I worked rearry hard, for nucrear arms, but now I've agreed and pwedged to disarm. Suddenry I'm taken seriousryyyyyyyyy......

— TheParanoidBluesMan (@TeleBluesMan) April 27, 2018

Jimmah Wants To “Hep”

Former President Jimmy “The Peanut Farmer” Carter has offered his services to the Trump Administration ahead of a meeting with North Korea to discuss denuclearizing the Korean peninsula.

The 93-year-old bonehead sweetened the pot by citing his “20 hours of experience” working with previous senior officials in the hermit nation.

After Carter returned from talks with the North Koreans in June 1994, the New York Times reported, “Mr. Carter, who returned from his trip late Saturday, unabashedly provided an encouraging and unqualified account of his accomplishments. ‘I personally believe that the crisis is over,’ he said.”

In the summer of 1994, North Korea began the process of removing their spent fuel rods from the reactor at the Yongbyon nuclear facility. The idea was to provide them with enough plutonium to build a nuclear weapon. As a result, the global community demanded inspections, but North Korea wasn’t having any of that. 

Hans Blix, UN weapons inspector for the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), who was a cross between Mr. Magoo and Inspector Clouseau, gave up any notion of carrying out inspections and the Clinton Administration was forced to push sanctions through the UN. North Korea viewed any sanctions as an act of war. It got so bad that then-Defense Secretary William Perry actually thought war was on the horizon.

Then in stepped the resplendent Jimmy Carter. Carter had acted as a mediator before with Pyongyang, but never at the invitation of the State Department. But the crisis of 1994 changed that calculus. 

Carter entered North Korea and met personally with Kim Il Sung. Going far beyond his instructions, he described the American effort to impose sanctions as a serious mistake and reached out to Kim with specific proposals designed to end the standoff. 

Carter’s intervention averted a possible war, one that would likely have had tremendous consequences, and it became the basis for what would become the 1994 Agreed Framework. 

Yet, those who now celebrate his post-presidential legacy of peacemaking need to consider the long-term consequences of his actions in North Korea. The immediate ramifications of the Yongbyon strike or even a tight sanctions policy in 1994 would likely have been severe. The costs of inaction that summer, however, proved to be far more severe over the coming decades.

The Kim family remained in power in the North, perpetuating one of the most brutal totalitarian regimes in modern history. The country continued its nuclear efforts in defiance of the 1994 agreement and is now believed to have 15-20 nuclear weapons and significantly improved delivery systems, along with a massive collection of chemical and biological weapons. It continues to harass the South and threaten the stability of East Asia and is an active player in the international black market for nuclear technology, narcotics and counterfeit American bills, among other things. 

Carter’s belief in the moral superiority of choosing diplomacy rather than force is a mistake that, two decades later, the world is still paying for.

Carter was a bumbling fool.  The worst president this country ever had until the ascendency of The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer.

Who can forget the gas crisis of 1979 when lines formed from Maine to Hayne just to buy gas for the car? Or Jimmah’s conservation program to discourage oil consumption and his comical suggestion Americans should wear sweaters to offset turning down the thermostat in the winter?

Who can forget him ceding control of the American-built Panama Canal?  Or the 444-day-long Iranian hostage crisis? Or the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan?  What about my very favorite─the killer rabbit incident?

On Monday the New York Times reported a video “appearing to show the arrival in Beijing of an old-style green train of the kind used by North Korea’s leaders fueled intense speculation on Monday that a high-level North Korean delegation, perhaps even one led by Kim Jong Un, was meeting Chinese leaders ahead of Mr. Kim’s planned meeting with President Trump and South Korea’s president.”

On Monday as well, good ole Jimmah demonstrated his madcap naiveté on CBS This Morning saying, “I think John Bolton is a disaster for our country.  Maybe one of the worst mistakes that President Trump has made since he’s been in office.  He has been advocating a war with North Korea for a long time and even an attack on Iran.”

I think “Mr. Gutless Wonder” would do well to sit this one out.

Mad Dog Alert!

In the aftermath of an early morning test of a hydrogen bomb by North Korea Secretary of Defense James Mattis, in a tersely worded statement said on Sunday, “We made it clear that we have the ability to defend ourselves and our allies, South Korea and Japan, from any attack and that our agreements with our allies are iron-clad. Any threat to the United States or its territories including Guam, or our allies, will be met with a massive military response, a response both effective and overwhelming.”

“We are not looking to the total annihilation of a country─namely North Korea,” Mattis concluded, “but as I said, we have many options to do so.”

Mattis earned his “Mad Dog” nickname during one of the hardest fought campaigns in Iraq.  He was one of four commanders leading British and American troops to take Fallujah from Iraqi insurgents after the fall of Saddam Hussein.

Mattis is known for having said, “No better friend, no worse enemy,” and “Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”

His profile notes he is able to quote Sun Tzu, Ulysses S. Grant, George Patton, Shakespeare and the Bible.  A 44-year military man, the Secretary of Defense is the most renowned warrior of our day to the combat initiated.

The fat kid is now officially on Mad Dog Alert.

How About A Nice Game Of Chess?

According to a published report from The Washington Post, North Korean leader Kim Fatty The Third appeared to take a step back from the brink of nuclear war Tuesday, when DPRK state media reported that he would “watch a little more the foolish and stupid conduct of the Yankees.”

This came just hours after the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Joseph Dunford, told South Korean leaders Monday that the United States was ready to use the “full range” of its military capabilities to deal with North Korea.

I guess this means we can all look up in the sky on August 21st and see the solar eclipse without missiles passing in front of the sun at the same time.

Trump Was Elected President To Chew Bubblegum And Kick Ass…And He’s All Out Of Bubblegum

“Normally, your ass would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” ─ Jules Winnfield from the movie Pulp Fiction

President Trump’s rhetoric on North Korea, according to The New York Times, has “reached a level that has alarmed allies in Asia and many Americans at home.” 

Democrats pissed and moaned saying the president was “inflaming the confrontation” and called for diplomacy instead. More than 60 House Democrats sent a letter on Thursday to Secretary of State Tillerson asking him to restrain the president. “These statements are irresponsible and dangerous and senselessly provide a boon to domestic North Korean propaganda, which has long sought to portray the United States as a threat to their people,” the letter said.

Antagonists of the president are refusing to blame the crazy fat kid but Trump instead, as the zealot escalating tensions between the two countries.  USA Today’s morning headline read, “Trump Continues to Shock With His Belligerent Comments.”

Bellicose words are verboten for Trump to utter, but when Samuel L. Jackson does it to a white guy at a Denny’s it’s perfectly fine.

An Emphatically Ascendant Nightmare

I was among those who were stunned and dismayed when then-candidate Donald Trump described John McCain during a Family Leadership Summit in Ames, IA in July of 2015 as “not a war hero.”

“He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

He mocked McCain for having graduated near-last in his class at the US Naval Academy and called him a loser for failing in his bid for president in 2008.

Yesterday, the Arizona senator who has been in office for 30 years popped off following President Trump’s threat to rain “fire and fury” on the hermit nation of North Korea. 

"I take exception to the President's comments because you gotta be able to do what you say you're gonna do...In other words, the old walk softly but carry a big stick, Teddy Roosevelt's saying, which I think is something that should've applied because all it's going to do is bring us closer to a serious confrontation. I think this is very, very, very serious…The great leaders I've seen don't threaten unless they're ready to act and I'm not sure President Trump is ready to act...It's the classic Trump in that he overstates things."

McCain finally found a country he didn't want to bomb. Just so happens it's one that the Dreaded Trump is talking about. https://t.co/cPLOpESrop

— Baby Goat Alliance (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 8, 2017

McCain may be one of the last hawks left in office but the old bird sure can flap his wings when he wants to beat the drums of war as Chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

"And so, maybe it will turn out alright, he's the president, I'm not," McCain said. "But I don't think that some of the great leaders that I have admired would have taken that same path."  When asked to rate the North Korean threat on a scale of one to 10, McCain said, "I'd say 6, 6 or 7." 

Well Maverick, you old fart, I think when the elapsed time is a mere 39 minutes for one of North Korea’s ICBMs to strike New York City the threat is far greater than a 6 or 7.

This nightmare is an emphatically ascendant one.

No one could doubt that the Sept. 11 terrorists would have gladly used nuclear bombs instead of airplanes if they had had them, and it seems only a matter of time until they try. Instead of a retreating threat in North Korea, that fanatical regime now possesses as many as eight nuclear bombs, and is just one member of a growing nuclear club.

S. Dakota #Airmen arrive on Guam; conduct #bilateral missions w/Japan & ROK--U.S. ready to #fighttonight https://t.co/DhOTTdNT19 pic.twitter.com/HSOkYKHPQ4

— PACAF (@PACAF) August 8, 2017

Rex Tillerson on North Korea: @realDonaldTrump "is sending a strong message to North Korea in language Kim Jong-un would understand." pic.twitter.com/yItUSKE422

— Fox News (@FoxNews) August 9, 2017

UPDATE:  Welcome Pirate’s Cove readers. We always appreciate it when the Admiral links to one of our posts.

 

Wipe That Smile Off Your Face Pudgy

America's place in the world has been the subject of much discussion since President Trump took office.  His pledge of “America first” has been dubbed jingoistic—a belligerent nationalism—by mainstream media serving as an arm of the Democrat Party and more specifically the Obama Administration.

For eight years America’s standing in the world was obliterated by a community organizer who was routinely criticized for not waging war robustly enough against terrorist groups like ISIS and a pledge not to commit ground troops to the cause.  The result is a world far more dangerous than we could have imagined just eight years before.

The same diplomat who negotiated the ill-fated 1994 nuclear deal with North Korea under President Bill Clinton was also the chief negotiator for the nuclear deal with Iran under President Barack Obama.  Wendy Sherman, Obama’s Undersecretary of State, led the talks with Iran. 

As counselor to then-Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, Sherman worked with former defense secretary William Perry on a 1999 review of U.S. policy toward North Korea. That review warned that the team had “serious concerns about possible continuing nuclear weapons-related work in the DPRK.”  The review also viewed with alarm the North’s continued efforts to improve its long-range missile capability.

Just as North Korea found a way to cheat, so has Iran.

The USS Carl Vinson was spotted sailing north offshore Nagasaki, Japan on Saturday local time in a show of force after North Korea’s latest test fire flop of a KN-17 ballistic missile.

Must see from earlier today! #USSCarlVinson & other #USNavy ships transit #PhilippineSea with Japan Maritime Self Defence Force destroyers. pic.twitter.com/PqARWcgnR7

— U.S. Navy (@USNavy) April 28, 2017

The reported launch came hours after Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called on China, and the rest of the world, to help force the dictator-led country to give up its nuclear weapons during his address to the UN Security Council.

On Thursday, President Trump warned a 'major, major conflict' with North Korea was possible over its nuclear and ballistic missile programs, while China said the situation on the Korean peninsula could slip out of control.

Former UN Ambassador John Bolton noted in his USA Today op-ed from Friday, “For 25 years U.S. presidents, Republican and Democratic alike, have tried persuasion (through diplomacy) and coercion (through economic sanctions) to induce North Korea to abandon its nuclear-weapons and ballistic-missile programs. All these efforts have failed.  A 26th year will also fail.  North Korea sees deliverable nuclear weapons as its ace in the hole, synonymous with regime survival.”

The gutting of our missile defense capabilities by The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer has made pre-emptive action against the hermit kingdom the most likely strategy for ending this evolving crisis.  Bolton points out only one non-military alternative now exists:  convincing China that reuniting the Korean peninsula with South Korea peacefully absorbing the North serves both our interests.

Does anyone remember the 2004 marionette movie “Team America World Police”?  It was a light-hearted lampooning of air-headed, left-wing Hollywood celebrity activism and said something about America’s historic role as watchman of the world.

The primary villains in Team America are a consortium of Islamic terrorists and the now-deceased North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il. Together, they plot to set off nuclear weapons across the globe in order to reset the world's balance of power. The only thing standing in their way is Team America who must win battles against the terrorists as well as public opinion wars against the international community and Hollywood pacifists led by the likes of Alec Baldwin, Michael Moore, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon.

We need a sequel to Team America World Police with Trump.

NOTE:  Coarse language contained in the embedded video below. 

UPDATE:  Welcome readers of The Pirate’s Cove..  We appreciate the Admiral for kindly linking to this post.

Ooof! Tubby Tyrant Exaggerates The Size Of His Dong

State-run news agency KCNA claimed the United States was to blame for growing tensions stating:

“It is just the US which has pushed the situation on the peninsula to the brink of nuclear war by staging the largest-ever aggressive joint military drills against the DPRK for the past two months after bringing all sorts of nuclear strategic assets to South Korea. No one in the world welcomes a gangster blackmailing the owner with a dagger.” 

“It is an entirely legitimate right to self-defense for the DPRK to further increase its war deterrent to cope with the prevailing grave situation on the peninsula. The present reality clearly proves that the DPRK was so right when it made a crucial decision to strengthen its nuclear force in quality and quantity.” 

“The nuclear force of the DPRK is a treasure sword of justice and reliable war deterrent to defend the sovereignty and dignity of the country and global peace from the nuclear war threat posed by the US.”

That “treasure sword of justice” includes half a million women in Nork uniform according to reports from defectors.  Women were forced into service when thousands of male soldiers starved to death or deserted their posts during the 1990s famine.

Kim Jong Un’s Taepodong-1 missile is incapable of reaching the United States.  A successful strike  would require launching Taepodong-2 missiles.  The tiny hermit nation has, thus far, only tested the Taepodong-1.

Seems somebody’s been exaggerating the size of his dong.

Never send a child on a mans job.. (Kim Jong Un) #FamilyMotto #Bluehand pic.twitter.com/ZcnIiLBeRi

— James Bond 🌐 (@bluehand007) April 28, 2017

About That ”Super-Mighty” Boast From The Norks

Rodong Sinmun, the official newspaper for North Korea’s ruling Worker’s Party wrote, “In the case of our super-mighty pre-emptive strike being launched, it will completely and immediately wipe out not only US imperialists’ invasion forces in South Korea and its surrounding areas, but the US mainland and reduce them to ashes.”

Some are taking the blustery boasts seriously.  Chickens throughout the tiny hermit kingdom are crossing the road to get away from the tubby tyrant’s long-range missiles.

Up Your Game

Hair wields its own measure of power.  This little tin pot dictator executes his top officials for the slightest misstep.  The lesson here is if the guy with the chubby lesbian haircut enters the room everybody should say, “Looking good, Un.”

Effective Up To Distances Of 20 Feet

Everybody knows by now North Korea’s provocative missile launch around dawn on Easter Sunday was a colossal failure having exploded 4.5 seconds after liftoff humiliating the tubby tyrant Kim Jong Un.

The DPRK has yet to admit the launch was a dud.  What made Jong’s Nodong go wrong?  Was it manufacturing problems and military incompetence?  Or did the US Cyber Command zap it out of the sky?

North Korea’s military commanders are as nervous as virgins at a prison rodeo.

LIVE footage from the North Korea missile test yesterday. pic.twitter.com/bUHlkh3LgM

— Dylan Allman 🇺🇸 (@realDylanAllman) April 16, 2017

Sumbahdee Say Chockerat Cake?

Saturday was a super big day for the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.  State-run television broadcast the hermit nation’s military might during a parade celebrating the birth of the nation’s founder Kim Il Sung.

It was an impressive array of papier-mâché and polystyrene missiles perched on flatbed trucks.  There were even older technology Russian T34 tanks clattering down Kim Il Sung Square.  I hope someone called The Antiques Roadshow.

At one point, goose-stepping soldiers chanted in the direction of Dear Leader “We will die for you.”  It was a rogue’s gallery of starving, indoctrinated slaves.

Looks like a tank had mechanical problems and had to abort the parade. Smoking heavily, then missing in last row of first group of nine. pic.twitter.com/Tz2wTqtbjC

— Martyn Williams (@martyn_williams) April 15, 2017

As #NorthKorea hasn't fought a war since 1953 why do the generals have so many medals ? The look like over enthusiastic boy scouts FFS #US pic.twitter.com/g5llFG9QO2

— Damian Thirsty (@damian_thirsty) April 15, 2017

The braggadocio of North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Han Song-ryol was especially entertaining on the eve of the Day of the Sun festivities.  “North Korea will go to war if the US rashly attempts to carry out a military provocation.”  Han added that the sixth nuclear test was a decision to be made by the North Korean leadership and if the leadership decided a test was necessary it would carry it out at a time and place of its choosing.  Ooooh.  Scary dude.

At 5:21 PM ET North Korea launched a missile near Sinpo.  It blew up almost immediately according to US Pacific Command.

I’m sure, like an overweight version of Pee Wee Herman, Dear Leader will say, “I meant to do that!” 

Pudgy Nork Despot Shouldn’t Pre-Pay For Any Magazine Subscriptions

The USS Carl Vinson Strike Group 1 has finally arrived off the coast of the Korean Peninsula according to the Japan Times.

An editorial in the North Korean state-run propaganda rag Pyongyang News blustered:

“Shortly ago, the US Air Force based in Japan conducted the first air-refueling to the latest stealth fighter F-35B. The US should not harbor a foolish daydream that it can stifle the DPRK.  That will lead it to doom.”

And today the mouthpiece newspaper boastfully declared:

The army and people of the DPRK are staging an all-out struggle for building a sci-tech power, economic power and highly-civilized nation despite all sorts of sanctions and war drills of the imperialists. 

Neither nuclear threat nor economic sanctions can hold in check the dynamic advance of the army and people of the DPRK who have turned out in their efforts to build an invincible socialist power under the banner of independence and Songun. 

We urge the new US administration to see the strategic position of the DPRK as a nuclear power, face up to the trend of the times and behave with prudence and self-restraint and make a courageous decision to make a switchover in the approach towards the DPRK after drawing a due lesson from the failed DPRK policy of the Obama administration.

The Special Warfare Development Group, best known as SEAL Team 6, is carrying out drills in South Korea.  This is the team responsible for terminating with extreme prejudice al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden in 2011 as part of Operation Neptune Spear.

The 33-year-old pot-bellied dictator with daddy issues thought the report in the Japan Times meant trained seals were in South Korea and was emboldened enough to proclaim, “The U.S. imperialists, engrossed in the hostile policy toward the DPRK century after century, should be mindful that the time of nightmare is coming nearer when they will meet the most disastrous, final doom on the US mainland.”

Nope.  Those are highly trained, lethal Navy SEALS, you nimrod.

With today’s announcement that Air Force Special Operations Command unleashed hell in the form of a 21,000-pound MOAB bomb in Afghanistan packing a mile-wide blast area in all directions must have made the “crazy fat kid” plotz his black pantsuit and no doubt cast a pall on Saturday’s Day of the Sun celebration. 

Talk about pissing in somebody’s cornflakes.

The bomb is equivalent to the power of 1 trillion Obama administration hashtags. https://t.co/r3cJNP6Z0e

— Sam Valley (@SamValley) April 13, 2017

Since you'll ask, yes the President was eating chocolate cake while the bombs were being dropped in Afghanistan

— Sean Spicier (@sean_spicier) April 13, 2017

Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un To Miss Annual Mongolian Ice Festival

10,000 Person Pillow Fight "Juche Feather Battle" in Nampo postponed indefinitely.

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) April 11, 2017

The Hermit Dictator Vs The Chastised Donkey

North Korea has been a on war footing with the United States for more than 50 years.  Its hermit dictator, 32-year-old Kim Jong-Un, is defiantly hailing a successful fifth nuclear test which created a 5.3 magnitude tremor at its Punggye-ri test site.  The 30 kiloton blast was more powerful than the DPRK’s previous detonations.

The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer called the latest nuclear test a “grave threat” and vowed to take “additional significant steps,” including sanctions against the rogue state.  Oooooh.  That’ll leave a mark.

The test happened just a few hours after the president’s plane stopped in Japan to refuel on his way home from Laos, where he attended a summit of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) and called Americans “lazy”.  Then he talked to South Korea’s president, Park Geun-hye, who was still in Laos, and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, according to White House paid liar Josh Earnest.

Some have suggested the detonation celebrated The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s Foundation Day, but the truth is more likely the squatty little megalomaniac has nothing to fear from The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer, China or the impotent UN.

Apparently North Korea is pushing for its own $400 billion pallet of cash.  Just sayin’.

North Korea's regime will be this weird, giggle-inducing, faraway, easy-to-ignore problem up until the day it isn't.

— jimgeraghty (@jimgeraghty) September 9, 2016

BHO says the $5 billion N. Korea received from Bill Clinton for promising never to go nuclear was naive. They're not trustworthy, like Iran.

— WH PRESS SECRETARY (@weknowwhatsbest) September 9, 2016

DPRK demonstration of ballistic might and prowess before so-called world powers leads to many pairs of besoddened trousers in Hangzhou.

— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) September 5, 2016

Scorching John Kerry

In response to Tuesday’s North Korean nuclear test in which Pyongyang claimed to have detonated an H bomb, Secretary of State John Kerry tweeted:

The United States and nations around the world unequivocally condemn North Korea’s latest nuclear test.

— John Kerry (@JohnKerry) January 6, 2016

Kerry, like many leaders across the globe, use Twitter as their soapbox—twiplomats practicing twiplomacy.

North Korea has conducted four nuclear tests since 2006 while paying little heed to international pressure including the State Department’s feckless, toothless, cowardly hashtags on Twitter.

Immediately after Kerry’s tweet the snark and James Taylor punchlines began scorching Kerry: 

@JohnKerry I applaud the Obama admin. for this devastating tweet, 140 tough characters that will surely bring Pyongyang to heel.

— Gabriel Schoenfeld (@gabeschoenfeld) January 6, 2016

Oh, shit, he's sending James Taylor https://t.co/wHvyyudcYQ

— Live, Freely. (@BruceNV) January 7, 2016

.@weeklystandard @JohnKerry A firm finger wagging will he coming their way!

— Take Responsibility (@Booo_government) January 7, 2016

New From Ronco ©...