Carolina Panthers Vs Seattle Seahawks

It’s Week 6 of the NFL’s regular season and there remain five undefeated teams:   the Patriots, Bengals, Broncos, Packers and Panthers.  The Panthers?  Really?

The Panthers’ wins this season have come against the Jaguars, Texans, a Drew Brees-less Saints team and the Buccaneers led by a crab-leg-thievin’ Jameis Winston.

Today, the Panthers travel to CenturyLink Field in Seattle to take on the Seahawks and everyone is picking the Hawks to win.  Can’t say I blame ‘em.  You never know which Cam Newton is going to show up for a game—the one that mugs for the cameras or the one that realizes there are 10 other players on the offense.  Cam’s record against the Seahawks is pretty dismal and it’s fair to say the ruckus from “The 12th Man” will rattle him.

“The Beast” will play today after missing the last two games with a hammy injury.  With Lynch in the lineup, the Panthers’ defense is going to have its hands full.  That’s why the return of Pro Bowl middle linebacker Luke Kuechly will give the Panthers a much-need lift emotionally.

I’d like to think the Panthers could win today because Seattle has had such an uncharacteristically disappointing season.  If, however, you base your opinion of both teams on their recent history and not just the last five weeks the plane ride back to Charlotte could be a disappointing one if they let this game slip through their fingers.

GO PANTHERS!

And because no football post would be complete without some pom-poms, here’s a photograph of pretty Top Cats.

Things Have Gotten Out Of Hand

My day got off to a good start yesterday.  In the South the holy day is Saturday because of college football.  I was pumped when LSU trounced Auburn and the Dawgs of Georgia mauled the Gamecocks.  (Take that Steve Spurrier!)  I quickly became #SadAlabamaFan when the Ole Miss Rebels caused tears in Tuscaloosa and the Tide tumbled.

I have been nursing my bruised ego in the aftermath of their ignominious thrashing.

Just when I thought I could no longer derive any meaning from life the Panthers beat the Houston Texans and Proof’s beloved Niners ate dirt in their humiliating loss to the Steelers.

I went out for a while and when I came back I found things had gotten out of hand.  I found my little furkid, Sophie, had invited Bully inside to watch some YouTube™ videos of last year’s NFC Championship Game in which the Seattle Seahawks defeated my beloved Green Bay Packers.

I didn’t mind that so much but when I discovered she had also let Nibbler J. Puffcheeks join them in the TV room to swill beer I got upset. 

You try to raise your pets the right way.  Sometimes they go a little astray.  You see, ‘ol Puffcheeks was arrested on a B&E last November by the Curmudgeon PD.  That character is bad business.

I took a broom to the fuzzy-tailed bastard and sent Sophie to her doggie bed without supper.

I’m letting Bully stay to watch tonight’s game against Seattle because he’s already donning his Packers jersey and cheesehead hat.  Hopefully, my boys can rock Lambeau Field and dish out some sweet revenge.

GO PACKERS!

Super Bowl XLIX: My Balls Are Perfect

Well, here we are.  The big day.  The day when the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots take to the field for Super Bowl XLIX.  Big whoop.

I don’t know how you feel about this year’s contest, but I for one, couldn’t be more disappointed in the teams that made it to Phoenix.  Honestly, you’ve got loudmouthed asses who think they are gods.  You’ve got the media who fall all over nut jobs like, well, you name the jerk…

My disappointment is not only with the two teams but the League as well.  They know damn good and well who is responsible for the underinflated footballs and yet are withholding that information until after the game as Commissioner Roger Goodell says, because “We want the truth.  That’s what I think our fans want.  That’s what our clubs want.  And so what we want to do is make sure we find the truth.  If there are violations of the rules, we take them seriously, particularly when they deal with the integrity of the game and the rules.”

How effing mealy-mouthed.

The NFL is full of cheaters and beaters.  That’s the problem. 

The fans deserve far better than what they are receiving.  I used to get excited about watching the game.  Hell, I was lucky enough to go to Super Bowl XXVIII in 1994 when the Cowboys beat the Bills in the Georgia Dome.

There is no such excitement at Casa de Curmudgeon today and there’s no Super Bowl Party as in years past. 

If my rationale is lacking consider these 26 disappointing facts about this year’s Super Bowl.

NFC Championship: Green Bay Packers Vs Seattle Seahawks

The NFC Championship game kicks off at 3:05 PM ET on FOX between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers for the NFC Conference Championship.  Both teams finished their season at 13-4 and oddsmakers have the Pack down as 7.5 point underdogs.

Of course, the talk all week has revolved around QB Aaron Rodgers’ torn calf muscle. He’s been struggling with that injury for roughly four weeks.  He has assured his teammates and Packers fans that he still has 120 minutes left in him.

Earlier in the season Rodgers told fans to R-E-L-A-X when the regular season started out rough. He showed them they could have confidence in their team and the Pack is now playing for a chance to be in Super Bowl XLIX.

I have written before how I’ve rooted for the Packers all my life.  I would love nothing better than to see my team come away with the win today.

I will be perched on the edge of my seat during the game.  Seattle will be tough to beat.  The game will be a nail biter as long the front line can protect Rodgers and keep them in contention.

I’ve got my fingers crossed.  Sophie, my furkid, loves her some Aaron Rodgers.  The challenge for Sophie today will be to find a way to sit in my lap while I’m jumping up and down rooting for the boys in green and gold.

GO PACKERS!

And no football post would be complete without a cheerleader and some pom-poms.  There are no Packers cheerleaders so we’ll have to make do with a lovely young lady in a low-cut tee.  That’ll do won’t it?

Divisional Playoffs: Carolina Panthers Vs Seattle Seahawks

Days before the Panthers boarded a plane to travel to Seattle for their game against the Seahawks a fowl odor, a stinky fog “full of fish farts” if you will, swept over the city.  Was it “Super Bowel” fever?

In any event, the only reason the Angry Kitties are in the divisional playoffs is because they won in the pathetic NFC South beating the Falcons who played a horrible, mistake-riddled game.  I actually felt sorry for Falcons’ QB Ryan Lindley.

The Panthers deserve to be rated as underdogs in this game, but if there is to be a snowflake’s chance in hell of beating the Seahawks a couple of things have to happen.  Cam Newton needs to drop his puffed-up ego and play like a pro footballer.  He needs to stop his arrogant gestures when he connects with his receivers and for gosh sakes don’t do that stupid “Superman” crap if they score.  That just pisses off people.  Newton’s two lowest-yardage games were against the Seahawks in 2012 with 141 yards and in 2013 with a pitiful 125 yards.  You see my point, right?

Another way to win would be to score and keep on scoring to quiet down the crowd which is notoriously known as the “Legion of Boom”.  If you take the crowd out of the game you have a chance.

The Panthers are on a five-game winning streak and defensively are a much better team than they were earlier in the season.  Still, they are underdogs.

GO ANGRY KITTIES!

And because no football post would be complete without pom-poms, please feast your eyes upon the lovely Dana and Lindsey, just two of the Top Cats who make up the cheerleading squad for the Panthers.

By the way, I’m rooting for the Ravens to destroy the Patriots in this afternoon’s game if for no other reason than to watch Tom Brady have a meltdown on the sideline hurling F-bombs.

Carolina Panthers Vs Seattle Seahawks

Seattle heads to Charlotte for its third meeting in as many years against the Carolina Panthers.  The game kicks off at 1:00 PM ET from Bank of America Stadium and airs on CBS.

The Seahawks are 3-3 and the Panthers are 3-3-1.  Seattle’s three losses were to the Chargers, the Cowboys and the Rams.  The Steelers, Ravens and Packers have bested the Panthers.  Despite those three losses Carolina still sits atop the NFC South.  What luck!

Seven players are out with injuries and two are questionable starts and the Panthers’ running game is among the worst in the league.  Cam Newton has been lackluster of late and I have screamed at the TV because Coach Rivera didn’t put QB Derek Anderson in when it became obvious that Newton was acting like a prima donna.

While it is true that “on any given Sunday, any team in the NFL can beat any other team,” I’m not so sure about today’s contest.  Don’t get me wrong, I’d love my Angry Kitties to pluck the Seahawks, but honestly I don’t see that happening.

Everybody but everybody is predicting a Seahawks win. 

The Niners have a bye week so I can’t rag on Proof and Woodsterman.  If the game becomes too painful to watch, I’ll catch the game between Da Bears and Patriots and then wait for the primetime game between the Packers and the Saints. 

GO ANGRY KITTIES?

And because no football post would be complete without some pom-poms, please enjoy this photograph of Top Cat Dana.

Criticism of Panthers deserved. Wht was Shula thinking w/26 secs left in game? Newton 12-27, 1 INT and fumble. Pitiful. #SEAvsCAR
— PoliticalClownParade (@Carry_That_Load) October 26, 2014

Six More Weeks Of Winter And My Broncos By 4½

On January 6, 2014 Proof agreed to become a co-author at this site.  Today, I saw at his site a wonderful cartoon created by John Cox.  I was so enamored by it that I decided to steal the idea and create a Photoshop™ of his brilliant work.

T.S. Eliot once wrote, “Immature Photoshoppers imitate; mature Photoshoppers steal; bad Photoshoppers deface what they take, and good Photoshoppers make it into something better, or at least something different.”  (A note from our attorneys: This is not a real quote.)

Today we celebrate Groundhog Day and that other important thing—the Super Bowl.  Throughout the regular season I have taken guff from Proof, Woodsterman and Stogie who are staunch 49ers fans.  They stooped to calling my Carolina Panthers the “Angry Kitties.”

It was all good-natured fun.  First my heart was broken when the 49ers won the trench war against the Panthers on January 12th.  One week later, their hearts were broken when the Seahawks defeated their beloved Niners 23-17 to become the NFC Champions.

Today, we are one.  We will be cheering on the Broncos and Peyton Manning. Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow this morning and predicted six more weeks of winter.  And…the Broncos by 4½.

Go Peyton!  Go BRONCOS!

Groundhog Sez Go Peyton

Sunday’s Super Bowl is Peyton Manning’s chance to become the first QB to lead two franchises to Super Bowl titles.

Manning, following a nearly career-ending neck injury, has produced the most prolific passing season in NFL history.  With him at the helm and his now famous “Omaha” play calls, he led the Broncos to a 13-3 record throwing for 5,477 yards and 55 touchdowns.

Seahawks corner and jackass, Richard Sherman, spewed his noise from the hood to describe Manning’s passing style saying, "His arm, however, is another story.  His passes will be accurate and on time, but he throws ducks."

Thursday morning, as Manning addressed the media for the final time before Sunday’s game, he lobbed a good-natured shot back at Sherman, "I believe it to be true as well," he said with a big smile. "I don't think that's a real reach, what he's saying. I've thrown a lot of yards and touchdowns with ducks. I'm actually quite proud of it."

Damn right.

What does the groundhog have to do with all this?  Sunday is Groundhog Day.  I hope Sherman and his Seachickens find themselves in a time loop similar to the one Bill Murray found himself in in the movie Groundhog Day and they watch Peyton Manning throw duck after duck after duck.

GO BRONCOS!

Super Bowl Sunday: Big Doings At Casa De Curmudgeon

The Big Bash for the playoff game between the Carolina Panthers and the San Francisco 49ers was a big hit with my neighbors a couple of weeks ago.  It was such a smash in fact that they demanded we do it again for Super Bowl Sunday.

The pressure has been mounting since I agreed to do it.  How do I top my last get together?  So I thunk and I thunk and I thunk.

I decided to go with one of my all-time faves—Frogmore Stew.  The Frogmore is very much like a Low Country Boil.  The big difference is crab legs are added to the boil.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  Isn’t Seattle known for its Pike Place Market, the world famous fish market?  True enough.  Let me remind you that Peyton Manning was born in Nawlins.  For the uninitiated, that’s Cajun for New Orleans.  The Frogmore seemed like the perfect tribute to Peyton since it is closely associated with southern Louisiana and the Gulf south.  You see the connection now don’t you?

Frogmore Stew has as its ingredients Kielbasa Sausage, corn on the cob, new red potatoes, shrimp and Alaskan King Crab Legs.  You throw the potatoes in a 65-quart stock pot and let them boil in water to which some Zatarain’s Extra Spicy Crab Boil is added.  You add a couple of tablespoons of concentrated shrimp and crab boil and let the spuds boil for about 15 minutes.

Next you add the corn cobs which are broken in half.  Let those cook for another 15 minutes.  Then you add the Kielbasa sausage.  After about 10 minutes you add the crab legs and shrimp.  After the seafood has boiled for about 5 or so minutes you’re ready to drain off the water and dump everything onto a table that is covered with newspaper.

Place a bunch of ramekins on the table filled with drawn butter and shrimp cocktail sauce for dippin’.  Cut up some lemon wedges and you’ve got one helluva feast.

Clean up is easy.  You just roll everything up in the newspaper and toss it in the trash.

I’m going to stop by the party rental store on Saturday before I head off to work and pick up the three 6-foot banquet folding tables I reserved.  Sunday morning I’ll go the grocery store to pick up the 20 lbs of crab legs and 20 lbs of 10-15 count Gulf shrimp I ordered in advance.

I’ve already made some orange and berry blue Jell-O shooters and the Party Planning Committee is in charge of everything else.  I can’t do it all for cripes sake.

All the party-goers have been carefully vetted to make sure they are Broncos fans.  Seahawks fans are banned.

If a Seahawks fan should breach Casa de Curmudgeon’s DEFCON 5 security system, the ferocious junkyard dog Sophie will crawl in their lap and lick them to death.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday.  Be safe on the road, don’t drink and drive and be sure to root for the Broncos.

Jackasses “R” Us

The best headline I read following the raging tirade of Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman was, “he made a great play, but lost his mind in post-game interview.”

Full disclosure:  I was rooting for Seattle to win the game against the Niners.  The sole reason for doing so was because I can’t stand loudmouth bullies and arrogant pricks like Michael Crabtree, Anquan Boldin and Colin Kaepernick.

I had not followed the Seahawks during the regular season and was unfamiliar with “the best corner in the world.”  My team, the Carolina Panthers, met the Niners twice in during the 2013 season.  The first meeting saw the “Angry Kitties”, as my friend Proof likes to call them, beat the Niners 10-9.  It was a different story in the NFC Divisional Playoff.  The Niners walked away with the win 23-10.

Proof and my two other blogger friends Odie and Stogie would rag on my team in a good-natured way throughout the games.  I now regret having favored the Seahawks over the Niners in the NFC Championship game.

Talking smack is part of the game.  The fans do it.  The players do it.  The coaches do it.  The sports “jocks” who anchor the games do it.  This player, Sherman, went waaaaay over the line in the post-game interview with Fox sideline babe Erin Andrews.  Some are reporting that she “loved” it.

“You expect these guys to play like maniacs and animals for 60 minutes,” Erin Andrews told USA Today's For the Win. “And then 90 seconds after he makes a career-defining, game-changing play, I’m gonna be mad because he’s not giving me a cliché answer, ‘That’s what Seahawks football is all about and that’s what we came to do and we practice for those situations.’ No you don’t. That was awesome. That was so awesome. And I loved it.”

Writing at Sports Illustrated’s MMQB, the insufferable “Ringworm Sherm” made a host of unconvincing excuses to justify his adderall-addled antics—the choking taunt, the fake handshake taunt and calling a clear holding penalty bullshit.  He has managed to convince himself that it doesn’t rain in Seattle.  He sees blue skies instead of storm clouds.

I’m no Inspector Clouseau, but it doesn’t take much effort to search “Richard Sherman PED” to learn that this clown has a performance-enhancing drug problem.  In fact, the “Seadderall Seahawks” have a problem.

Defensive end Bruce Irvin, Seattle’s first-round draft pick in 2012, became the latest Seahawk to test positive and get a four-game suspension. He joined John Moffitt, Allen Barbre, Winston Guy and Brandon Browner on the list of guys suspended since 2011.

Richard Sherman got popped last season when he tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug, but he avoided a four-game suspension when he successfully appealed on the basis of botched testing by the NFL.

The Seahawks may have won the game last Sunday, but Sherman wound up being a loser.  He deserved all the blowback he got in the aftermath of that interview.

And like the Internet meme says, “I just made you a Broncos fan.”

These low class NFL players need to stop the trash talk, and get back to suffering crippling injuries for my entertainment.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) January 20, 2014

Devil Baby Predictions

Hell-o.  I’m the Devil Baby that gave New Yorkers the fright of their life.  I know you’ve seen the viral video that’s been viewed more than 34 million times and counting.

Not unlike the day Lucifer decided to possess a woman’s toaster I, the spawn of The Unholy One who can make breakfast cereal speak in foul incantations and cause boiled eggs to be unrighteously runny, have visited upon this delightful blog to predict the outcome of today’s NFL Conference Championships.

Go ahead and make rude comments.  I’ll puke pea soup on you á la Linda Blair.

Pom Poms Rule The Sidelines

Fox is carrying the game between the New Orleans Saints and the Seattle Seahawks at 4:35 PM ET.  I’m rooting for the Saints.  Then CBS will air the contest between the Indianapolis Colts and the New England Patriots at 8:15 PM ET.  My hope is that the Colts pull off the win.

I have to work Saturday so I will miss the Saints’ game.  By the time I get home I will probably be able to join the Colts’ game somewhere near the end of the first quarter.

Sunday however, I am off and will be able to enjoy the game between the San Francisco 49ers and the Carolina Panthers.  Kickoff is 1:05 PM ET on Fox.  That game is followed by the match-up between the San Diego Chargers and the Denver Broncos.  CBS begins airing that game at 4:40 PM ET.

I’m pulling for the Panthers to scratch and claw their way to a win over the NI-NERS.  I like Peyton Manning.  He’s a good guy with a tremendous record as a quarterback so I'm picking the Broncos to win their game over the Chargers.

Them’s my picks and I’m sticking to ‘em.

Go Panthers!