BREAKING: Johnny Manziel Gets Transferred To The WNBA

While we’re just days away from Week One of the NFL Preseason here in America, our neighbors to the North are already in Week 8 of their football season enjoying their Molsons and poutine watching all nine teams in the CFL.

Why bring up Canadian football?  Johnny Manziel.

For the record, I despise that prick.  He abuses women, alcohol and drugs and doesn’t give a whit about team rules and policies.

During a January 2015 interview conducted by ESPN with nearly 20 Browns sources, both on the record and on condition of anonymity along with several NFL personnel sources it was revealed that Manziel’s year-long pattern of behavior demonstrated a lack of commitment and preparation and a steadfast commitment to a raucous nightlife.  As one player put it, Manziel throughout the entire 2014 season was “100 percent joke.”

In an April 2018 interview with sports talk show host Dan Patrick, Manziel admitted, “If Cleveland did any of their homework, they would have known that I was a guy that didn’t come in every day and watch film. I was a guy that didn’t really know the X’s and O’s of football. Nobody was there, like helping me go over the X’s and O’s, and it was hard. I struggled.”

On February 28th of this year he tweeted, “I’ll play again for FREE. It’s not about the money it’s about getting back to doing what I miss and love.”

On May 19, 2018 Manziel signed a CFL contract to play for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats setting up his return to professional football after a three-year hiatus.

The CFL teams are filled with players either unnoticed or unwanted by the NFL. The Tiger-Cats CEO, Scott Mitchell said, “Our league has historically been a league of second chances.

Hamilton made Manziel an offer: two years at $122,000 in base salary, plus $18,000 in housing, $10,000 to sign and performance incentives that can tick the total value north of $300,000─a pittance compared to the monies the Cleveland Browns were scheduled to pay him.  His 2014 rookie 4-year contract of $8.247 million included $6.702 million in guaranteed money.

Because he got into trouble (suspension imposed by the League under any policy, a suspension imposed by the team, failure or refusal to report, practice or play, or leaving the team without prior written consent) the Browns were allowed to void the final two years of his contract.

On July 22, 2018 the Tiger-Cats traded Manziel to the Montreal Alouettes and last Friday the Alouettes lost to the Tiger-Cats 50-11.  Manziel was a disaster throwing 4 interceptions and completing 11 of 20 passes for a meager 104 yards.

The NFL is unlikely to take another shot at Manziel given the way things went in his two calamitous years at Cleveland. His first game in the CFL didn’t offer a ton of hope he can make it in Canada either.

Looks like the coach of Johnny Manziel likes alcohol too

pic.twitter.com/oS4JM5Wver

— YourSports (@YourSports) August 5, 2018

NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEY:  Mr. Manziel has not been transferred to the WNBA.  He is actually being traded to the Mumbai Rockets of the Premiere Badminton League.  No wait,  that’s not true either.  He is in serious talks with the World Mini Golf Federation to hand out balls and clubs and sharpen pencils for the scorecards. 

The Very Last Christmas Tree Of Obama White House

The last White House Christmas tree of the Obama administration arrived last Friday.  It was delivered to the executive mansion in a horse-drawn carriage.

Maria Puente of USA Today made certain to fill us in on what The Wookiee was wearing when she welcomed the tree:  Mrs. Obama’s outfit was casual chic.  A black military-style tunic jacket with asymmetrical buttons and bell sleeves over black leggings and high-heeled mid-calf black boots.

The tree, as you might expect, is stunning. It was brought down in the Piney Woods of East Texas by Johnny Manziel’s car.

NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEY:  The 19-foot Balsam-Veitch fir was grown at the Whispering Pines Tree Farm in Oconto, WI.  The disgraced and drunken Manziel was nowhere near the tree farm.

Johnny F-U Ball

Yesterday I was going to put up a post about the preseason game between the Cleveland Browns and the team whose name shall not be mentioned.

Usually when I create a graphic suitable for a football post, I have the two team mascots pictured in front of the stadium where the game will be played.  I couldn’t go with that idea for last night’s game because the team whose name shall not be mentioned no longer has a mascot, at least not a politically correct one.  I ditched the idea and didn’t post anything.

For the purposes of full disclosure, I grew up pulling for any team other than the team whose name shall not be mentioned.  Despite the fact that I am not a fan, I was going to root for Washington because I loathe a certain arrogant smart ass.

Back in February Barry Switzer, former head coach for Oklahoma and the Dallas Cowboys, said this about the immature, polarizing player:

"I'm gonna tell you. I said Johnny Manziel is…I don't like his antics. I think he's an arrogant little prick.  I've said that and I'll say it again. He's a privileged kid, he's embarrassed himself, he's embarrassed his teammates, his program. He's embarrassed his coach. And they'll all have to defend him because they have to coach. I know that. I spent 40 years in the damn game so I know how it works."

Linebacker Brian Orakpo and the rest of the Redskins bench were having a little fun with the rookie.  At one point in the first quarter, Orakpo celebrated a teammate’s sack of the little snot by showing off his imitation of Manziel’s “money gesture”.  After forcing the Browns to punt, Orakpo stopped near the yard marker in front of the Redskins sideline and again gave the money sign.

With 2:28 left in the third quarter, Manziel threw an incomplete pass.  A few words from the Redskins bench were hurled at him.  As he walked back the huddle all butthurt, he flipped them off.  The gesture was caught on national TV.

The Browns lost the game 24-23 and Manziel is expected to draw an $11,025 fine for his gesture.

"It did not sit well," Browns coach Mike Pettine said. "I was informed of it after the game and it's disappointing. Because what we talk about is being poised and being focused—that you have to be able to maintain your poise." 

"That's a big part of all football players, especially the quarterback, that we have to keep our composure," Pettine said. "So that's something that we'll obviously address with him."

Asked in his postgame news conference if he thought it was wrong, Manziel smiled before laughing.

“I felt like I did a good job of holding my composure throughout the night, and you have a lapse of judgment and slip up.  I mean, I didn't think it was positive," Manziel said, before adding he couldn't blame it on distractions, repeating he had simply lost his composure.

Better get used to it little man.  Welcome to the NFL.