Tuesday, August 7, 2018

BREAKING: Johnny Manziel Gets Transferred To The WNBA

While we’re just days away from Week One of the NFL Preseason here in America, our neighbors to the North are already in Week 8 of their football season enjoying their Molsons and poutine watching all nine teams in the CFL.

Why bring up Canadian football?  Johnny Manziel.

For the record, I despise that prick.  He abuses women, alcohol and drugs and doesn’t give a whit about team rules and policies.

During a January 2015 interview conducted by ESPN with nearly 20 Browns sources, both on the record and on condition of anonymity along with several NFL personnel sources it was revealed that Manziel’s year-long pattern of behavior demonstrated a lack of commitment and preparation and a steadfast commitment to a raucous nightlife.  As one player put it, Manziel throughout the entire 2014 season was “100 percent joke.”

In an April 2018 interview with sports talk show host Dan Patrick, Manziel admitted, “If Cleveland did any of their homework, they would have known that I was a guy that didn’t come in every day and watch film. I was a guy that didn’t really know the X’s and O’s of football. Nobody was there, like helping me go over the X’s and O’s, and it was hard. I struggled.”

On February 28th of this year he tweeted, “I’ll play again for FREE. It’s not about the money it’s about getting back to doing what I miss and love.”

On May 19, 2018 Manziel signed a CFL contract to play for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats setting up his return to professional football after a three-year hiatus.

The CFL teams are filled with players either unnoticed or unwanted by the NFL. The Tiger-Cats CEO, Scott Mitchell said, “Our league has historically been a league of second chances.

Hamilton made Manziel an offer: two years at $122,000 in base salary, plus $18,000 in housing, $10,000 to sign and performance incentives that can tick the total value north of $300,000─a pittance compared to the monies the Cleveland Browns were scheduled to pay him.  His 2014 rookie 4-year contract of $8.247 million included $6.702 million in guaranteed money.

Because he got into trouble (suspension imposed by the League under any policy, a suspension imposed by the team, failure or refusal to report, practice or play, or leaving the team without prior written consent) the Browns were allowed to void the final two years of his contract.

On July 22, 2018 the Tiger-Cats traded Manziel to the Montreal Alouettes and last Friday the Alouettes lost to the Tiger-Cats 50-11.  Manziel was a disaster throwing 4 interceptions and completing 11 of 20 passes for a meager 104 yards.

The NFL is unlikely to take another shot at Manziel given the way things went in his two calamitous years at Cleveland. His first game in the CFL didn’t offer a ton of hope he can make it in Canada either.
NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEY:  Mr. Manziel has not been transferred to the WNBA.  He is actually being traded to the Mumbai Rockets of the Premiere Badminton League.  No wait,  that’s not true either.  He is in serious talks with the World Mini Golf Federation to hand out balls and clubs and sharpen pencils for the scorecards. 

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