Thursday, May 4, 2017

Michelle Obama: Seal Of Disapproval


Arlington, VA, The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has announced an exciting breakthrough in the development of space age adhesives and gasket seals. The announcement comes on the heels of tests that may have proved the reliability of the Frogs' Ass Pursed-Lips Fluoroelastomer seal.

The Frogs' Ass Pursed-Lips Fluoroelastomers (FAPLF) might possibly be used as high-performance seals that may or may not reliably resist heat, chemicals, acids, bases, and other challenging operating conditions and materials. Alternating copolymers reinforced by faux black outrage and government-inspired entitlement imparts properties to gaskets, O-rings, and hoses that allow them to claim to outperform conventional fluoroelastomers whether or not any Caucasian scientists agree with the manner in which the tests were conducted.

Dr. Steven H. Walker, Acting Director for DARPA, stated that high speed photography of the ex-First Lady's pursed lip kisses indicated that pressures exceeding 100,000 PSI might be contained within the "hellish maw" located just above her chin.

White House staff's' colorful description of Mrs. Obama's lips, "tighter than a frog's ass," was instrumental in naming the new product.

The scientists, bio-engineers and bear trap designers who researched and survived Mrs. Obama's formidable lip seal exclaimed, "If the Challenger space shuttle's auxiliary fuel tanks had this capability instead of the o-rings installed by Morton-Thiokol, Judy and Christa might have been able to join the 200 Mile High Club. But then again, if frogs had wings they wouldn't bruise their asses jumping from lily pad to lily pad."

When asked to comment, Mrs. Obama replied,"Mmmmmmpppppfffff off."

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