Our tale begins on a bleak winter night in a little town in New York State. As we look inside the closely guarded residence, we find our protagonist slouching on a sofa watching an episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reeking of boiled cabbage, urine and farts. Friends and associates often encouraged her to take a shower once in a while, but always to no avail.
On this very night our subject was visited by Alinsky’s ghost who is forever cursed to wander the earth dragging a network of heavy chains forged from a lifetime of radical activism, Marxism and a penchant for the politics of personal destruction.
The war on Christmas had miraculously been declared over and for reasons known only to him he appears before his acolyte to give her the opportunity for redemption and a chance to escape his fate.
The apparition’s appearance was startling at first transforming into skepticism. Alinksy moans and groans with impatience. He explains that the chains he labors to carry were forged by him in life and her chains were more ponderous because of her greed and lies and selfishness.
Alinsky arranges for three spirits to visit her: the ghosts of elections past, present and future.
At the stroke of midnight the Ghost of Elections Past recounted her failure to break some fictitious glass ceiling, her 19 political scandals and standing by her man when he was impeached.
At the stroke of one there appeared another visitor, the Ghost of Elections Present. This spirit took poor Hillary by the hand pointing to the depth of her weaknesses as a candidate, her lying and corruption. He mocked her declaring, “You lost yet again. This is getting embarrassing.”
Poor Hillary was devastated to hear how unfit to be president she really was, but the torment did not end there for at the stroke of two there appeared a horrifying ghost, the Ghost of Elections Future.
Draped in black from head to toe, the ghost foretold of a life without campaigns, campaign donations and hangers-on from Hollywood to the Hamptons. Hillary began sobbing violently.
Hillary awoke the next morning changed by the visitations during the night. She decided to write a book for Dummies and titled it How To Lose Bigly to Trump and promised to go off into the sunset never again to call those who did not support her as a basket of deplorables. The newly reborn Hillary would shed her grumpy “Bah Trumps” and never seek public office again.
And the people were filled with extraordinary optimism. God bless us, every one!