Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Super Tuesday Victory Celebrations Marred by Supernatural Manifestations, Broom Malfunctions

Gruntington Post [Miami] - Hillary Clinton enjoyed sweeping victories Tuesday night in the 2016 Presidential Democratic Primaries, but things didn't go smoothly here in Miami, Florida in the aftermath.  The problems began during candidate Clinton's victory speech, which one spectator described as "unusually empty and soulless, even for her."  At about the midpoint, the large screen behind the podium, recording incoming primary results, began flashing the results for Texas.
At this point in the returns, clinton's percentage in Texas had hit 66.6%, and that number began flashing furiously, accompanied by an eerie electronic waling sound, and the display caught fire and had to be shut down.  Although Sen. Clinton continued her speech without the screen, she was visibly shaken.  A few minutes later, Clinton's favorite skull necklace broke and scattered the carved antler skulls loudly all over the stage.  This caused audible gasps from the audience, and probably caused the speech to be ended prematurely.

Later on, campaign insiders volunteered that there had also been inexplicable technical problems during Hillary's flight to Miami earlier in the day.  Despite having a brand new Nimbus 2000 Flying Broom, which is one of the very most reliable brands, she developed lift problems over Jacksonville, Florida, and had to land, catching a chartered plane the rest of the way.
Despite these unnerving events, candidate Clinton was seen later to be sporting a game face during the victory party at the West Palm Beach Witches Union Hall (Coven #3123), even relaxing and enjoying her victory with a beer.

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