They say that there’s a connection between what we do on January 1 that
sets a pattern for the remainder of the New Year.
It’s believed that if one fails to plaster a big ‘ol wet one on a
significant other at the stroke of midnight we are destined for a year of
coldness. I have to work on New Year’s
Eve so unless giving my little furkid, Sophie the dog, a peck on her head when
I get home counts, I’m doomed.
Speaking of work, according to tradition it is good luck to be at work
on the first day of the New Year. At
least I’ve got that covered.
One superstition I’ve heard of is that you shouldn’t allow the New Year
to arrive with the cupboards bare.
Check. I went to the grocery
store today and bought my absolute most favorite ice cream; four pints of
Talenti® gelato. The freezer now has one
pint each of Tahitian Vanilla Bean, Belgian Milk Chocolate, Caramel Cookie
Crunch and Black Cherry Amareno. I
bought other stuff too, but none as important as the gelato. Supposedly topping off ones groceries
guarantees prosperity.
I’m screwed if this next superstition has any merit. It is said that the household should not be
in debt as the New Year arrives. Hospital
bills for all the tests that were run in November are pouring in. Scratch that off the list of stuff to do to
bring good luck for 2014.
Nothing is to be taken out of the house on the first not even garbage. Check.
The garbage man comes on Tuesdays so that’s all good.
Now this “first footer” thing is tricky. The first person to enter your home after the
stroke of midnight supposedly will influence the year you’re about to
have. The recommendation ideally is for
the “first footer” is to be tall, dark and handsome. Damn.
That ain’t hapnin’.
I have an out apparently. “One
who lives alone might place a lucky item or two in a basket that has a string
tied to it, then set the basket just outside the front door before
midnight. After midnight, the lone
celebrant (that’s me) hauls in the catch, being careful to bring the item
across the door jamb by pulling the string rather than by reaching out to
retrieve it and thus breaking the plane of the threshold.”
As long as this occurs at midnight when the neighbors presumably will
be in bed and will not witness this stupid maneuver I guess I can give this one
a try. Hey, it’s for good luck.
Being from the South, it is traditional to dine on collard greens,
black-eyed peas, ham hocks and cornbread.
The notion is the collard greens represent folding money. The black-eyed peas represent loose change. The ham hocks are a pork product—this is
important—one should not eat chicken or turkey on New Year’s Day because
poultry scratches backwards, a cow stands still, but a pig roots forward. Eating poultry fates the diner to scratch in
the dirt all year for their dinner.
You’re not supposed to do laundry or even do dishes. Do not pay loans or lend money. Avoid breaking things. Avoid crying on the first day. Hey, if tall, dark and handsome is not my “first
footer” I can’t guarantee the not being a crybaby thing.
One must make as much noise as possible at midnight. This would be more likely if my “first-footer”
would do me a favor and show up. Cue the
Marvin Gaye music.
I’m soaking the black-eyed peas as I write this. I’ve already cleaned and chopped up the
collard greens. I’m steaming them now as
well. After that, I’ll drain them, rinse
them and place them in a crock pot to slow cook all day tomorrow while I’m at
work. Then, I’m going to bake an iron
skillet of buttermilk cornbread.
If you don’t hail from the South this cuisine
may seem strange to you but it’s rooted deeply in folklore dating back to The
War Against Northern Aggressions, Mr. Lincoln’s War, The War Between The States
or the less inflammatory The Great Unpleasantness.
The “bluebellies”
pillaged the land leaving behind only corn, black-eyed peas and greens as
animal fodder. These were the humble
foods that enabled Southerners to survive.
So, as we flip open a brand
new calendar with twelve pristine months, we get a chance to shrug off a year’s
worth of worries and mistakes and get a fresh chance to start over.
What could be
better? Hellooooooo tall, dark and
handsome.
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