Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Trump Torching Journos On Live TV Is My Favorite Part Of The Day

A lot of people are complaining about having cabin fever while the pandemic stay-at-home orders are in place. Four weeks ago I would have bet good money I hardly ever touched my face.  Has anyone else out there become hyper-aware of how many times you touch your face or start to?

It’s been so long since I got behind the wheel of my car I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how to drive.  On the upside, I’m getting incredible gas mileage.  Anybody else getting four weeks to the gallon?

I don’t know what the problem is with some people.  Do they lack imagination?  I’ve separated my pajamas into “daytime” and “nighttime” attire.  My neighbors get to see me walk to the mailbox in jammies with penguins, doggos or snowmen and my little hovel has never been cleaner.  Not a spiderweb anywhere in sight.  Dust doesn’t have a chance in hell of accumulating. I’ve pressure washed every inch of brick on the house, every inch of sidewalk and driveway. Weeds are running scared and the lawn is expertly manicured.

The best part of my day comes around 5 or 5:30 PM when President Donald John Trump holds a White House Coronavirus Task Force update.  In these trying times, the media works feverishly to lie to us with terrifying headlines and contradictory pieces about the Chinese Lung Rot and how Orange Man Bad is effing up the effort to flatten the curve, but the President dunks so hard on journos during these live press briefings it’s become my most favoritist part of the day.

WARNING: John Nolte of Breitbart wrote a profanity-laced statement appearing on Thread Reader.  It’s what I would label NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK, but since you’re not at work, who gives a shit?
Here’s a fucking idea… 
A 3-hour presidential fucking briefing with Jon fucking Karl and his gay little fucking blue glasses, that Herman Munster looking motherfucker from NBFUCKINGC and that gay-hating harridan from CNNLOFUCKINGL whose smug fucking face is one fucking wart short of a fucking witch. And this trio of fuckers will spend all 3 fucking hours only asking Trump why he isn’t fucking shutting the whole fucking country the fuck down. 
And if by some fucking miracle we’re able to fucking crack that fucking mystery, let’s move the fuck on and see if we can’t fucking solve the fucking whodunnit about why Trump supports these fucking anti-malaria drugs. And on the off fucking chance we untie that fucking Gordian knot, let’s fucking have these fucking top-notch fucking Columbo-level questioners ask Trump why he won’t fucking release his fucking taxes. 
Let’s never fucking move this fucking fucker the fuck on. Let’s never fucking stop finding the fuck out how many different fucking ways Trump can fucking answer the same fucking questions over and fucking over and fucking-the-fuck over until we’re all so fucking misinformed and driven fucking mad we’re all fucking licking fucking toilets. 
And I can’t think of three fucking useless fucking lying fuckers more up to the job than the fucking fuckers I call the fucking Franken Witch Blue Fucking Glasses Fucker Trio.
And when this fucking three-the-fuck-hour exercise in fucking illumination is done, let’s all tune to CNNLOFUCKINGL so we can watch Jake Fucking Tapper’s smug little resting bitch fucking face fucking whine like the fucking little Fauntleroy bitch he is because Trump didn’t answer whatever gay-ass retard of a retarded fucking question Tapper wants answered—you know, the fucking question the gay-hating witch face from CNNLOFUCKINGL had 3 fucking hours to fucking ask and fucking didn’t cuz she’s a fucking retard. 
The popular Twitter parody account, Babylon Bee, noted President Trump made improvements in the James S. Brady Press Room adding ejection seats that are controlled from the lectern allowing him to “instantly send any White House reporter on a free trip to somewhere a few hundred yards down Pennsylvania Avenue.”  It escaped their notice that the President also installed something much more impressive; a flamethrower. 

Yesterday, chubby little shit Justin Sink, a reporter for Bloomberg News got shut down when he asked, “Mr. President, can I just check in on the oil again today?”

“Oil?” Trump responded. “Where is it today?”

“Well, I was wondering if you–?” Sink continued.

“No, no. Where’s the price?” Trump fired back. “Give me the price.”

“Uh, I’m not sure to be honest,” Sink responded.

“How can you ask a question when you don’t know the price?” Trump fired back.

And last, but certainly not least, super prick Jim Acosta…

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