Bloomberg Spent A Bazillion Dollars Just To Win A Girl Scout Cookie

Mike Bloomberg won his first contest carrying the American Samoa Democratic Caucuses on Super Tuesday earning an astronomical four delegates.

An unincorporated U.S. territory since 1900, America Samoa covers seven South Pacific islands and is home to about 55,000 people. Because American Samoa is a territory and does not have any representation in Congress, it has zero electoral votes in the presidential election.

Bloomberg garnered 49.9 percent of the vote. Tulsi Gabbard, a native of American Samoa, received 29.3 percent.

The arrogant sumbitch failed to meet the 15 percent threshold required to win delegates in most Super Tuesday states, earning only a small number of delegates and lagging waaaaay behind Uncle Joe and Comrade Bernie in the delegate count.

And now the innertoobs are rife with reports No Box is “reassessing his candidacy with advisers.”

The Associated Press published a report saying, “A person close to the Bloomberg campaign confirmed the deliberations. The person wasn’t authorized to discuss the matter by name and requested anonymity. Bloomberg flew back to New York after campaigning Tuesday in Florida, a state that votes March 17 and where he’s already spent millions.”

When he gets back to his mansion, Mike should sit down with his cookies and a nice, big glass of ice cold milk just like his nanny used to serve him as an afternoon treat after school.  The nostalgia should remind him of the simpler, better days of his childhood before his hubris caused him to thoroughly embarrass himself.