Friday, January 5, 2018

Monkey Business: The Gorilla Channel

Hole-y mole-y.  Some dude no one’s ever heard of, @ericgarland, made sure the world found out he was a complete dumbass.
Eric is super-proud of himself.  On his website he boasts, “For two decades, Eric Garland has been providing industry forecasts, predictions, and competitive insights to corporations and government agencies around the world. Eric is sought after as an advisor to leaders, an educator in the field of intelligence analysis, a keynote speaker, and a featured commentator for media around the world.
It all started when another Twitter account (@pixeledboat) created an “extract” from Michael Wolff’s hot off the presses book torching the Trump White House.
“On his first night in the White House, President Trump complained that the TV in his bedroom was broken, because it didn’t have “the gorilla channel”.  Trump seemed to be under the impression that a TV channel existed that screened nothing but gorilla-based content 24-hours a day.”
“To appease Trump, White House staff compiled a number of gorilla documentaries into a makeshift channel, broadcast into Trump’s bedroom from a hastily constructed transmission tower on the South Lawn.  However, Trump was unhappy with the channel they had created, moaning that it was “boring” because “the gorillas aren’t fighting.”
“Staff edited out all of the parts of documentaries where gorillas weren’t hitting each other, and at last the President was satisfied.  “On some days he’ll watch the gorilla channel for 17 hours straight,” and insider told me.  “He kneels in front of the TV, with his face about four inches from the screen, and says encouraging things to the gorillas, like ‘the way you hit that other gorilla was good’.  I think he thinks the gorillas can hear him.”
After some 45 minutes had passed, our boy deleted his ignoramus tweet.
Funny right?  It gets better.  A little later in the day, Farhad Manjoo a columnist for The New York Times, decided to beclown himself.
Then our Einstein decided to get all preachy on us:
Funny?  I’ll say it’s funny.
UPDATE:  Check out these Gorilla Channel Shows.

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