Gone Fishin’

It’s summertime and the salty air and sunshine of the coast is calling.  The reins have been turned over to co-bloggers Proof and Sig 94 in my absence.

Here’s to a happy Fourth of July to you and yours.  Stay safe.

Have Dog Will Travel

As you grow older, just staying alive can become a full-time job.  That means you need to take a vacation.  I ascribe to the axiom:  Life’s short. Eat dessert first, work less and vacation more!

Vacation heals a weary mind and soul.

I’m headed to the beach where I will be walking past rows of beach chairs and weaving between sunbathers and Frisbee games and people flying kites on a sandy shore.  The intoxicating smell of the salty air and the mist of the sea will be my nirvana for the next couple of weeks.  My only fear will be whether a seagull poops on my head.

Sophie The Wonderdog and I will be visiting once again with my bestest friend of 40-plus years.  My itinerary includes little more than dining on fresh seafood at my favorite over-the-ocean restaurant, binge-watching movies and shopping.  Sophie will enjoy being with her little buddies Teddy and Tika.

Fear not!  I have already queued up the regular Sunday postings of “A Walk On The Wild Side” and the Monday postings of “Flowing Curves Of Beauty”.  Hopefully, co-bloggers Proof and Sig94 will fill in for me by posting something of interest in my absence.

#SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation

You need imaginative selfie skills to impress your friends pic.twitter.com/FCRYuT49Bc

— Helen 🌼📚🌺 (@HelenMaryMe) April 2, 2018

You're just staring at your screen saver pretending you're there...#SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation pic.twitter.com/dlySQVYX7F

— OSU Bucks Dad (@AJBorland) April 2, 2018

👻☮️🐱 #SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation the floor show isn't top notch... pic.twitter.com/2TqqgeXwZk

— Johnny E. Awesome (@JohnnyEAwesome) April 2, 2018

#SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation
The moose at the park entrance didn't tell you it was closed. pic.twitter.com/d7qv61sDf5

— Toxic Masculini-G (@TCC_Grouchy) April 2, 2018

#SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation

Dammit! The brochure clearly stated "featuring our Frolicking Dolphins Cruise". pic.twitter.com/Cb0XUSJfOO

— ✌Mark Bonnet🤘 (@Mytquinn69) April 2, 2018

#SignsYoureOnABudgetVacation Have to wear bubble wrap because the motel stairwell doesn't have handrails. pic.twitter.com/F6miWOnO21

— PoliticalClownParade (@PoliticalClownP) April 2, 2018

No Co-Inky Dinky

President Trump will be embarking on his first foreign trip on Friday May 19th.  His first stop will be Riyadh, Saudi Arabia before heading on to Jerusalem and Rome.  While in Israel, the president will begin the process of negotiating a peace agreement between the Israelis and Palestinians.  Following his visit to the Vatican, the President will attend a NATO meeting that opens on May 24.  At the conclusion of that meeting, he will travel to Sicily where he will meet with leaders of the G7 on May 26th.

It is not a coincidence that yours truly, Curmudgeon, will be heading out of town on the 18th and will return on May 30.

PT Cruiser One will be co-piloted by Sophie The Wonderdog.  Our mission will be to bird watch at Atalaya Castle and seek the surrender of delicious sea life from a beautiful yacht with massive carbon-intensive diesel engines.  Joining us later will be a friend whom I have not seen in years.  Our itinerary will include oodles of shopping and a spaghetti dinner with all the fixin’s and plenty of handing tasty tidbits under the table to Sophie and her little friends Tika and Teddy. 

The remainder of my itinerary is super-secret.  I like to infuriate Chuck Schumer so my press secretary has purposely been kept out of the loop to prevent any leaks and will no doubt be lambasted on SNL as a result.  In case that North Korean fat kid gets lucky and gets another missile up, my travel agent will contact my personal bodyguard who will deliver my daily brief in a manila envelope sealed with half a roll of duct tape and Gorilla Glue®.

During my hiatus, co-bloggers Proof and Sig94 will be in charge just like Alexander Haig thought he was when Reagan was shot.  They have been given the keys to the liquor cabinet.  I have already notified the local chief of police to monitor Casa de Curmudgeon to insure neither of these guys demolishes the joint.

There will be no tagging the boulders in my rock garden with graffiti.  There will be no peeing in the Koi pond.  There will be no allowing the g-d squirrels to belly up to the bar.  There will be no charging a topless maid service to my credit card.  There will be no ashes, beer cans or peanut shells littering the floor.  There will be no placing calls to phone sex centers and no visiting pay-per-view porn sites on my Internet connection.

Our regular Monday morning feature “Flowing Curves of Beauty” are all queued up, so no worries there.

I hope everyone enjoys a safe and Happy Memorial Day weekend.  Just remember it is a day to honor America’s bravest sons and daughters who answered the call to defend their nation and, in so doing, made the greatest sacrifice of all.

Marco Squirrel-O

A week ago this past Friday I headed to the beach with my little furkid, Sophie The Wonderdog, for a mini-vacay with friends.  I left the place in the capable hands of Adrienne and Proof.

The problem with leaving the keys to the liquor cabinet with these two blogger friends is Proof lets the squirrel population at Casa de Curmudgeon have free reign of the place while he and Adrienne sample swill all the good liquor.  Adrienne at least tries to tidy up the joint before I get home.

I left the beach early this morning unbeknownst to my party-hardy friends.  When I pulled into the driveway I heard someone in the backyard hollering “Polo, Polo, Polo”.

There, in my pool, I found some Italian guy with all his clothes on, a water-skiing squirrel and one on Adrienne’s cats taking a dip.  What the…

There were nuts on the bottom of the pool and cat hair stuck in the pool filter.

Usually, Proof charges my credit card to hire topless maids to clean up the mess he leaves.  This time there wasn’t a trace of anyone trying to tidy up.  What am I gonna do with these two?

What? Another Vacay?

Sophie The Wonderdog and I are headed to the beach to visit my best friend.  While I’m away, good friends Proof, Grunt and Adrienne will be keeping tabs on the ol’ blog for me.

The photograph above was taken on my phone last summer, but you can see the view is peaceful.  The patio has deck railing four feet high which is just tall enough to keep my friend’s two furkids, Tika and Teddy, safe and sound.  A great deal of time will be spent sitting under the shade of the pergola watching the carefree geese and mallards swim by.  The only disturbance in The Force will be when Skeeter, who lives next door to my friend, gets let out.  She makes a bee-line for the water to harass the fish and turtles living in the little canal you see in the photo.

Adrienne just joined our merry band of bloggers and has promised to keep the boys in check this go ‘round.  Each time I hand them the keys to the liquor cabinet while I’m away it seems they invariably trash the joint including shooting up my Hummel collection.

Adrienne has fervently assured me she will make sure the beer cans, Cheetos dust and peanut shells will be cleaned up before I get back.  No squirrels swilling the scotch either!

My friends will continue to add content in my absence.  Proof and Grunt are mischievous characters so don’t be surprised by anything they post.

I hope you’ll welcome Adrienne.  She has her own blog as well and has graciously consented to help us out from time to time.

I have made sure the regular Monday feature “Flowing Curves of Beauty” is queued up for the next two Mondays.   One time I failed to do that and Proof put up Star Trek babes.

I hope everyone has a great week.  Take care out there.