The Motion Picture Academy Of Arts And Sciences Keeps Trying To Pick Up A Turd By The Clean End

Ever since Billy Crystal passed the baton as emcee of the Oscars in 2004, the Academy has struggled to find the right person to host what has become garbage television.

Those who succeeded Crystal have vowed never to do it again.  Contrast that with the glory days of the Oscars when Johnny Carson hosted five times, Crystal nine times and Bob Hope an unprecedented eighteen times.

Nowadays, the host is expected to boost the ratings of the annual ceremony that spent 20 years kissing Harvey Weinstein’s ass, be funny without being tawdry, topical without being controversial and politically savvy without being too partisan.

Comedian Kevin Hart stepped down as Oscars host just two days after he was named in the role, amid anger over a series of mostly deleted homophobic tweets he posted from 2009 to 2011.

Hollywood is full of hypocrites and knee-jerk political activism with deep ties to the Democrat Party and I think its hysterically funny the Academy is scrambling to find a “suitable candidate” amid concerns the ceremony’s ratings continue to sink like a stone.

Maybe Hollywood should enter into a contract with Boston Dynamics to create a funnybot that would supply inoffensive humor to the perpetually aggrieved or better still, they could stop giving themselves so many meaningless awards.

The Babylon Bee tweeted an interesting solution:

Oscars To Be Hosted By Boom Box Playing Inoffensive, Calming Ambient Noisehttps://t.co/amZHJfvs83 pic.twitter.com/dLkDK3qVD2

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) December 7, 2018

They All Knew

Tonight, at the 90th Academy Awards, Hollywood elitists draped in clothing worth millions of dollars in an auditorium festooned like the Palace at Versailles will sneer condescendingly at the rest of us touting what they fervently believe are the best policies for this country.

These narcissistic, overprotected, overprivileged simps with their self-important and hysterical responses to the 2016 presidential election will use the Dolby Theatre stage to espouse criticism of President Trump, gun ownership and hype the #MeToo movement.

The irony is palpable.  Hollywood is rife with violence, pornography and squalid politics.  The dark underbelly of the film industry has been the focus of guerilla street artists like Sabo and Plastic Jesus.  In the case of Sabo, he put up three billboards in downtown LA.  One read: “And the Oscar for biggest pedophile goes to…”  Another says, “We all knew and still no arrests” and the third read, “Name names on stage or shut the hell up!”

Plastic Jesus installed a life-sized Harvey Weinstein statue seated on a golden casting couch on Hollywood Boulevard near the site of the Oscars to highlight the entertainment industry’s sexual misconduct crisis.

The casting couch has been in existence since 1912 when Universal Pictures became the first major studio.  Women somehow made their peace for most of their careers with this uncomfortable reality that was known to practically everybody.  Parading around on the red carpet in evening gowns split down to their navels and up their thighs almost to their lady parts is not an effective form of protest.

Jimmy Kimmel, former host of “The Man Show” and the “Juggy Talent Show”, has never been made to answer for the shameless, over-the-top sexism of groping women on camera, making fun of their weight, mortifying them on the street and objectifying them on trampolines on his “Man Show”. 

Kimmel, who has been dubbed “America’s Conscience”, will be making his second appearance as the host of tonight’s shit show.  He has never been critical of Weinstein saying only, “[he’s] not a friend of mine.  I’m not in the movie business.”

His selection was an arrogant, tone-deaf choice in the era of #MeToo and Times Up.  Hypocrisy, thy name is Jimmy Kimmel.

As opposed to watching the Oscars tomorrow, I'm opting to kayak solo across the Pacific with a rabid raccoon loose in the leg space of the vessel.

— Dennis Miller (@DennisDMZ) March 4, 2018

Can’t wait! STREAM IT LIVE! #USA pic.twitter.com/Am21OS5NJF

— DONNA WARREN 🇺🇸 (@DonnaWR8) March 4, 2018

Al Sharptongue: I Have Been To The Mountaintop And It Is White

When, oh when, will the master baiter of race and mangler of the English language stop with his nonsense?

On the morning of January 15th, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced its 2015 Oscar™ nominations and to the horror of the erectile dysfunction suffering riot inciter, Al Sharpton took umbrage at learning that the list of nominees was all white.

Still high off his raking over of Sony executives Amy Pascal and Scott Rudin for their racially insensitive emails that were hacked and revealed about The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer’s movie tastes, the “reverend” called for an emergency meeting this coming week in Hollywood to “discuss possible action around the Academy Awards.”

“The movie industry is like the Rocky Mountains,” Sharpton said in a statement.  “The higher you get, the whiter it gets.”

“The lack of diversity in today’s Oscar nominations is appalling and while it is good that Selma was nominated for ‘Best Picture,’ it’s ironic that they nominated a story about the racial shutout around voting while there is a racial shutout around the Oscar nominations. With all of the talent in Selma and other black movies this year, it is hard to believe that we have less diversity in the nominations today than in recent history,” he said.

Friday night, The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer held a private screening of Selma at the White House including his BFF “Okra” Winfrey.  I’m sure Moochelle did a happy dance knowing that another woman with a ba-donk-a-donk ass was in da house.

At 10:00 AM this morning, People Magazine reported that the first black president of AMPAAS, Cheryl Boone Isaacs, had spoken out about the outrage surrounding the lack of diversity among this year's slate of Oscar nominees saying the Academy would take steps to address it going forward.

"In the last two years, we've made greater strides than we ever have in the past toward becoming a more diverse and inclusive organization through admitting new members and more inclusive classes of members.  And, personally, I would love to see and look forward to seeing a greater cultural diversity among all our nominees in all of our categories." 

The list of overlooked directors, actors, actresses and movies is mindboggling, so I’m not sure what all the whining is about.  Wait.  Yes, I do.  RAAAAACIST.

UPDATE:  Selma producer Oprah Winfrey will march Sunday in Selma, Alabama alongside the film's director Ava DuVernay and star David Oyelowo to commemorate the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr.

According to the studio, the event will pay homage to King's civil rights leadership and his involvement in the Selma voting rights protests of 1965, the subject of the Oscar-nominated film.