No Co-Inky Dinky

President Trump will be embarking on his first foreign trip on Friday May 19th.  His first stop will be Riyadh, Saudi Arabia before heading on to Jerusalem and Rome.  While in Israel, the president will begin the process of negotiating a peace agreement between the Israelis and Palestinians.  Following his visit to the Vatican, the President will attend a NATO meeting that opens on May 24.  At the conclusion of that meeting, he will travel to Sicily where he will meet with leaders of the G7 on May 26th.

It is not a coincidence that yours truly, Curmudgeon, will be heading out of town on the 18th and will return on May 30.

PT Cruiser One will be co-piloted by Sophie The Wonderdog.  Our mission will be to bird watch at Atalaya Castle and seek the surrender of delicious sea life from a beautiful yacht with massive carbon-intensive diesel engines.  Joining us later will be a friend whom I have not seen in years.  Our itinerary will include oodles of shopping and a spaghetti dinner with all the fixin’s and plenty of handing tasty tidbits under the table to Sophie and her little friends Tika and Teddy. 

The remainder of my itinerary is super-secret.  I like to infuriate Chuck Schumer so my press secretary has purposely been kept out of the loop to prevent any leaks and will no doubt be lambasted on SNL as a result.  In case that North Korean fat kid gets lucky and gets another missile up, my travel agent will contact my personal bodyguard who will deliver my daily brief in a manila envelope sealed with half a roll of duct tape and Gorilla Glue®.

During my hiatus, co-bloggers Proof and Sig94 will be in charge just like Alexander Haig thought he was when Reagan was shot.  They have been given the keys to the liquor cabinet.  I have already notified the local chief of police to monitor Casa de Curmudgeon to insure neither of these guys demolishes the joint.

There will be no tagging the boulders in my rock garden with graffiti.  There will be no peeing in the Koi pond.  There will be no allowing the g-d squirrels to belly up to the bar.  There will be no charging a topless maid service to my credit card.  There will be no ashes, beer cans or peanut shells littering the floor.  There will be no placing calls to phone sex centers and no visiting pay-per-view porn sites on my Internet connection.

Our regular Monday morning feature “Flowing Curves of Beauty” are all queued up, so no worries there.

I hope everyone enjoys a safe and Happy Memorial Day weekend.  Just remember it is a day to honor America’s bravest sons and daughters who answered the call to defend their nation and, in so doing, made the greatest sacrifice of all.