One Roll To Wipe Them All

A Dream Remembered, A Civilization Gone With The Virus

This is the story of a woman and a civilization going through a war with an unseen enemy that will leave no one unchanged in its aftermath.

Scarlett O’Hara is a woman who can deal with a nation at war, selfish bastards carrying off everything from disinfecting wipes, hand sanitizer, comfort food and yes, toilet paper to hoard for themselves without any regard for their fellow man.

What will she have to do to survive?

The store shelves are barren.  Amazon can’t keep anything in stock.  Lawdy, whatever will she do?

Much like the scene in Gone With The Wind where a starving Scarlett hungrily pulls up a tiny radish to eat, our heroine can be heard to say, “As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be without toilet paper again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be paperless again.”

In the final scene, with tear-stained eyes uplifted in a sudden, curious burst of hope beneath all the turmoil of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020 we hear her say, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

The Great Toilet Paper Crisis Of 2020

Toilet paper was purportedly sold out at most major grocery stores, pharmacies and other outlets across the country.  There are videos showing panic-stricken people actually resorting to fisticuffs over the last pack of TP. It’s not only happening here, its happening in Europe and Australia as well. Shoppers are clearing shelves as the number of COVID-19 (coronavirus) cases grow.

Will the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020 last?  Not if Georgia-Pacific and Procter & Gamble can help it. Both companies have noticed the spike in demand and are working to keep store shelves stocked according to Forbes.

If we make it through this pandemic together, let’s all have a day where we wrap ourselves in our unused toilet paper and go outside pretending we’re all mummies.

When you need to clean your ass, but idiots bought all the damn toilet paper #COVIDー19 pic.twitter.com/b0B41OZ4mX

— OP4 (@E4_Maf_E_Ya) March 14, 2020

Publix is straight up trolling now, these people done put a toilet paper cake on display just to mock people! pic.twitter.com/IQIXEWPONd

— 🇯🇲Black🇭🇹Aziz🇳🇬aNANsi🇹🇹 (@Freeyourmindkid) March 14, 2020

UPDATE:  Welcome readers of Pirate’s Cove.  We are grateful to Admiral Teach for linking to this post.