New Smyrna Beach, FL [SATIRE] - Local law enforcement authorities attempted to contact representatives of the Political Clown Parade Blog Monday afternoon in order to vouch for a woman they had in custody claiming to be the founder and owner of that political commentary web site. No contact was made until Wednesday because the woman, identified by the alias "Curmudgeon," had left 2 bloggers in charge of operations with access to the liquor storage cabinets, and it took several days for them to be able to answer questions coherently.
Curmudgeon was being held pending investigation of a road rage incident that happened near the center of the New Smyrna Beach community Monday morning. Police determined that she was heading to the beach with her dog "Sophie" when she was passed by a Ford SUV driven by a Florida man who took offense from her multiple Alabama Crimson Tide stickers and made an obscene gesture. This resulted in gunfire from Curmudgeon's vehicle that shattered all the glass in the Ford, destroying several Proud Florida Democrat and Florida Gators stickers, but otherwise caused no injuries.
After vouching for Curmudgeon and collecting a $96 littering fine, police released her Wednesday. Her actions were deemed justified under the Florida "Show Your SEC Pride" law, and both teams, Alabama and the Gators, are currently at the top of their respective divisions, which is required for that law to take effect.