Wednesday, May 31, 2017

A Pathetically Unfunny Comedian

A day after Kathy Griffin released a picture holding a mock "decapitated" head of President Trump shot by self-proclaimed "provocateur" photographer Tyler Shields, CNN announced Wednesday they have terminated their decade-long contract with the comedian to appear with Anderson Cooper on New Year’s Eve.

"CNN has terminated our agreement with Kathy Griffin to appear on our New Year's Eve program," said spokesman Shimrit Sheetrit in a statement Wednesday.

According to a published report by TMZ, the United States Secret Service has launched an investigation into “the circumstances surrounding the photo shoot.”

Kathy Griffin’s Twitter account is still active.  Why? 

Twitter has managed to suspend accounts associated with conservatives because the company was more interested in silencing voices that do not agree with their politics.

To Report a Tweet

Navigate to the Tweet you’d like to report.

Tap the down arrow icon located at the top of the Tweet.

Select Report Tweet.

If you select it’s abusive or harmful, Twitter will ask you to provide additional information about the issue you’re reporting. They may also ask you to select additional Tweets from the account you’re reporting so they have better context to evaluate your report.

Once you’ve submitted your report, they’ll provide recommendations for additional actions you can take to improve your Twitter experience.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Can't Govern, Can't Impeach, Can't MAGA

Here is a sampling:
On May 1, 1981, thousands of protesters marched in Washington to denounce President Reagan's economic and social policies. The event was billed as ''Days of Resistance to Roll Back Reaganism." (Sound familiar?) At the event, at least two speakers called for impeaching Reagan. 
''Our purpose is to turn this country around,'' one said. ''Getting rid of Reagan is the first step.'"
In early 1983, Rep. John Conyers, D-Mich., said Reagan should be impeached "for incompetence." Later that year, he called for impeaching Reagan over his military action in Grenada. 
Jesse Jackson wanted Reagan impeached in 1984 for mining Nicaragua's harbors. Texas Rep. Henry Gonzalez and six other Democrats introduced a resolution to impeach Reagan in 1987 over the Iran-Contra affair. 
Gonzalez pushed to have President George H.W. Bush impeached in 1991 because of the Gulf War. 
Reps. Dennis Kucinich and Robert Wexler introduced 35 articles of impeachment against President George W. Bush in 2004 that centered on the Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina, global warming and the 2004 elections. 
Conyers filed a resolution in 2005 calling for Bush's impeachment, and was still publicly advocating it by 2007. And Kucinich kept pushing for impeachment into Bush's last months in office. 
That's when they aren't twitching over assassination fantasies.  Oh, and every Republican is a moron, incompetent, evil, and hateful.  Every one, if you listened to these folk.   
If they think they want impeachment, they should take a page from the Republicans, who actually succeeded in impeaching Clinton, although not removing him from office, unfortunately.
Source 

H/T Daily Time Waster

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

There Is No Excuse


No religion or religious sect is perfect. But the Catholics and Protestants stopped killing each other quite some time ago.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Emit Magazine - Trump/Russian Derangement Edition


Let's recap:

*The last administration sold massive amounts of US uranium to Russia

*Wanted to be BFF with Putin via a cheesy "reset" button

*Rolled over and played dead when Russia invaded Crimea, despite a signed agreement for the US to defend Ukraine against invasion

*Refused to sell defensive arms to the Ukraine which would be used against Russian invaders

*Promised to be more "flexible" in our dealings with Russia after the 2012 elections, and

*When faced with "war crimes" in Syria, ceded control of the situation and allowed Russia greater influence in Syria and the Middle East


And yet, on the basis of a few unsubstantiated media stories, Trump is the one turning the White House into the Kremlin!



Update: Apparently, this idiocy was not even an original idea with Emit, but ripped off Mad Magazine (which has much more credibility!)

Thursday, May 18, 2017

The Robert Mueller Contest

Okaaaay ...

Curmudgeon forgot to lock the liquor cabinet, her ATV is buried in the swan pond and Proof is rummaging through her lingerie drawers (why so many?).

And there's freaking squirrels EVERYWHERE!
So it's

Time for a contest!


As most of you are aware, the DoJ has announced that a Special Counsel has been appointed to investigate possible Russian interference in the 2016 Presidential election. This despite contradictory evidence that:



Special Counsel Bob Mueller is going to have his hands full sifting through the numerous dangling participles of the Democrat's epic election woes saga. Indeed, this investigation will take many months of listening to chattering, prevaricating officials desperately trying to cover their asses avoid changing their address to that of a federal prison.

In preparation for this, Dear Reader, we should exercise due diligence and make an effort to anticipate the evolving narratives sure to arise that government officials will use to: 1) mask the rampant corruption of the Deep State, and 2) insulate the most prominent elected officials who have stood before a national audience and lied.

Now the contest.
Once Curmudgeon returns from her well deserved vacation, the three of us will sweep the squirrel s**t out of the house,  tow the ATV out of the pond, replace all the (cheap) liquor, bury the dead Koi fish and examine the responses entered by the contest participants. I will prime the pump, so to speak, with this:

"It was Putzini all along."
"Comey, you broke my heart!"
Biden: "I'm smaaaht! I can do things!"

Well, not really. Use your imagination.

For bonus points, we have started a Scapegoat Pool.

Who will the Democrats give up to the Mueller Inquisition?  Have no doubt; if Mueller starts to throw Democrats in jail, they will hoot and howl and scream about Political Prejudice and then suggest a token sacrifice or two to throw under the Big Yellow Indictment Bus.

What do you win?
Well, Proof hasn't returned everything from those drawers.



No Co-Inky Dinky

President Trump will be embarking on his first foreign trip on Friday May 19th.  His first stop will be Riyadh, Saudi Arabia before heading on to Jerusalem and Rome.  While in Israel, the president will begin the process of negotiating a peace agreement between the Israelis and Palestinians.  Following his visit to the Vatican, the President will attend a NATO meeting that opens on May 24.  At the conclusion of that meeting, he will travel to Sicily where he will meet with leaders of the G7 on May 26th.

It is not a coincidence that yours truly, Curmudgeon, will be heading out of town on the 18th and will return on May 30.

PT Cruiser One will be co-piloted by Sophie The Wonderdog.  Our mission will be to bird watch at Atalaya Castle and seek the surrender of delicious sea life from a beautiful yacht with massive carbon-intensive diesel engines.  Joining us later will be a friend whom I have not seen in years.  Our itinerary will include oodles of shopping and a spaghetti dinner with all the fixin’s and plenty of handing tasty tidbits under the table to Sophie and her little friends Tika and Teddy. 

The remainder of my itinerary is super-secret.  I like to infuriate Chuck Schumer so my press secretary has purposely been kept out of the loop to prevent any leaks and will no doubt be lambasted on SNL as a result.  In case that North Korean fat kid gets lucky and gets another missile up, my travel agent will contact my personal bodyguard who will deliver my daily brief in a manila envelope sealed with half a roll of duct tape and Gorilla Glue®.

During my hiatus, co-bloggers Proof and Sig94 will be in charge just like Alexander Haig thought he was when Reagan was shot.  They have been given the keys to the liquor cabinet.  I have already notified the local chief of police to monitor Casa de Curmudgeon to insure neither of these guys demolishes the joint.

There will be no tagging the boulders in my rock garden with graffiti.  There will be no peeing in the Koi pond.  There will be no allowing the g-d squirrels to belly up to the bar.  There will be no charging a topless maid service to my credit card.  There will be no ashes, beer cans or peanut shells littering the floor.  There will be no placing calls to phone sex centers and no visiting pay-per-view porn sites on my Internet connection.

Our regular Monday morning feature “Flowing Curves of Beauty” are all queued up, so no worries there.

I hope everyone enjoys a safe and Happy Memorial Day weekend.  Just remember it is a day to honor America’s bravest sons and daughters who answered the call to defend their nation and, in so doing, made the greatest sacrifice of all.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Screenshot Of Comey Diary Entry

NOTE FROM OUR ATTORNEYS:  The Disney Frozen® “password” Diary depicted above is not an actual example of a Comey diary entry.  It is an incredibly beautiful simulation.  That we can tell you.  Believe us. The failing New York Times is truly one of the worst newspapers. They knowingly write lies and never even call to fact check. Really bad people!

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Magenta Alert! Magenta Alert!

After The Washington Post dropped a bombshell Monday afternoon asserting President Trump had leaked classified information to Russia’s foreign minister and its tub of lard ambassador, National Security Director H.R. McMaster emphatically stated the story the paper had published was patently false.

Just before McMaster emerged from the White House to speak at the “stake out” location, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Deputy National Security for Strategy Advisor Dina Powell, who were in the Oval Office during the meeting, had denied the accuracy of the Post’s story.  Additionally, the Office of the Russian Foreign Ministry also called the reporting false.

Tuesday at 11:30 AM, McMaster held a press briefing to take back the narrative from the paper asserting President Trump did not jeopardize assets by revealing highly sensitive information adding that Trump did not know where the Intel came from.

"The president in no way undermined sources or methods in the course of this conversation,” he said adding the information could be found in “open-source reporting.”

“I think the real issue, and what I would like to see debated more, is that our national security has been put at risk by those violating confidentiality.  I think national security is put at risk by this leak and leaks like this.  It’s incumbent on all of us to bring in the people with the right mandate and the right authorities to take a look at how this leak occurred and how other breaches may have occurred as well," McMaster said.
Not satisfied with the raft of explanations from senior White House officials, attacks from lifelong bureaucrats and Obama-era holdovers worked another angle on the revelation:  Trump discussed information about ISIS that came from a key US partner on the condition it not be shared with our other allies claiming it could put those sources at risk and alienate them.

That source had not been identified until The New York Times (competing desperately for clicks) blabbed the source was Israel.

Seems the Israelis didn’t feel the least bit alienated after all.  Ron Dermer, Israel’s Ambassador to the US said in a statement, “Israel has full confidence in our intelligence-sharing relationship with the United States and looks forward to deepening that relationship in the years ahead under President Trump.”

I’m revealing my age here, but this whole thing about Trump and the Rooskies reminds me of the 1960’s sitcom Get Smart.

“Gentlemen, as of this moment, all members of C.O.N.T.R.O.L are on Magenta Alert.” 

NY Times/WashPost/CNN Zombies

The Hate Trump Zombies are crawling out of their fetid graves while the media stirs up sandstorms of fake news. Life in Washington, D.C. since the Trump Inaugural Apocalypse, January 20, 2017.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Trump Revealed Highly Classified Information To Russian Foreign Minister And Ambassador

The Washington Post reported President Trump revealed highly classified information to the Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrow and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak in a White House meeting last week, according to current and former US officials, who said Trump’s disclosures jeopardized a critical source of intelligence on the Islamic State.

The information the president relayed had been provided by a US partner through an intelligence-sharing arrangement considered so sensitive that details have been withheld from allies and tightly restricted even within the US government, officials said.

Note the reporters were quoting “current and former [Obama] officials.  Besides Trump, Lavrov and Kislyak, the only other officials present during the meeting were NSA  head H.R. McMaster, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Deputy National Security Adviser for Strategy Dina Powell.  All three have adamantly declared the story as false.

Prayers For A Friend

Sunday was Mother’s Day.  Those of us whose mothers are gone note the day with a bitter sweetness.  If your mother is still living then you know all love begins and ends there.

I just learned that co-blogger Sig94’s mother was placed in hospice care last week.  He thanked God for his mom in his blog post noting she had a hard life as a young mother of four.  He is steeling himself for the goodbye that is coming.

I hope you go by his place and offer your prayers, comfort and encouragement.  An old Irish proverb says, “A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.”

DNC Pictures Proudly Presents...



...coming soon to a conspiracy theory near you!

If Comey Had Thrown The Election To Hillary We’d Be In The Middle of Her Impeachment Trial Right Now

All last week President Trump worked to bolster his White House staff’s morale in the wake of raging denigration over his firing of FBI Director James Comey.

Democrats want Trump impeached.  Can we be honest here?  Trump is an equal opportunity wrecking ball.  Don Surber noted in his book Trump The Establishment, “He destroyed the political parties.  Both were stuck in the past.  Democrats in the 1960s and Republicans in the 1990s.”  If Trump had come out in favor of Obamacare, the Democrats would move to impeach him for colluding with Blue Cross Blue Shield.

I was deeply angered back in July of 2016 when Comey announced, “Although there is evidence of potential violations of the statutes regarding the handling of classified information (in Hillary’s use of a personal email system), our judgment is that no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case. Prosecutors necessarily weigh a number of factors before bringing charges. There are obvious considerations, like the strength of the evidence, especially regarding intent. Responsible decisions also consider the context of a person’s actions, and how similar situations have been handled in the past.”

Comey deserved to be fired. The manner in which he was fired was, in a word, dirty.

The New York Times, Associated Press, CNN and The Wall Street Journal are predicting a “shake-up” in the White House communications team is looming.  The “shake-up” could take out everyone from Reince Priebus and Steve Bannon to White House Counsel Don McGahn and “Spicey”.

I said all that to say this:  the sleazy snipers in the press do not take kindly to the bluntness with which the Trump Administration scolds them for their blatant attacks and bias in their reporting.

Admittedly, “Spicey” hiding in the White House bushes after the Comey firing made him the target of Internet memes including a skit on SNL.
The Interwebs are rife with speculation Fox News' Kimberly Guilfoyle is once again on a list of possible replacements as WH Press Secretary.

If Trump does, in fact, boot Spicer what will become of the most hilarious parody Twitter account “Sean Spicier”?  The account has fooled Yahoo Style, Univision News, Bill Kristol, Gateway Pundit and Biz Pac Review.

I guess Sean Spicier will become Kimberly Guilfoiled.  The upside:  it’ll put Melissa McCarthy out of a job. 

Flowing Curves Of Beauty

“When a woman is romantically subdued, all she does at that moment is under the influence of her desires.” 




Sunday, May 14, 2017

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Hogwash From The Former First Sow

Earlier this month, Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue signed a proclamation that began dismantling the federal school lunch guidelines that was the pet project of Michelle Obama.  And now, from her moral high ground, the former First Lady is taking the Trump Administration to task.

According to the US Department of Agriculture website “schools have been facing increasing fiscal burdens as they attempt to adhere to existing, stringent nutrition requirements.”  The USDA figures show school food requirements cost school districts and states an additional $1.22 billion with a B in 2015.

While costs have gone up, student participation has plummeted as about 1 million students tossed the revolting slop in the garbage can.  Schools are left with decreased revenues and increased costs.

Mrs. O is some more pissed off at the Trump Administration and she popped off during the hour-long annual conference sponsored by the Partnership for a Healthier America.  She was joined onstage by the Obama’s personal chef.  Oh, the irony.

"You have to stop and think, why don't you want our kids to have good food at school? What is wrong with you and why is that a partisan issue?" Mrs. Obama said. "Why would that be political?"

"Moms, think about this. I don't care what state you live in, take me out of the equation, like me, don't like me, but think about why someone is OK with your kids eating crap," she said.
The First Sow and The World’s Most Dangerous Community Organizer dined on opulent meals.  Their state dinners often cost $4700 per attendee.  The White House chefs prepared menu items such as  Sweet Potato Agnolotti with Butter and Sage, Warm Butternut Squash Salad with FrisĂ©e and Pecorino di New York, Beef Braciola Pinwheel with Horseradish Gremolata and Broccoli Rapini, Green Apple Crostata with Thyme Caramel and Buttermilk Gelato and dessert was an array of petit fours:  Sweet Corn Cream and Blackberry Cup, Concord Grape Bittersweet Chocolate Leaf, Orange Fig Slice, Pumpkins Cranberry Tart and Tiramisu.

It’s no wonder The First Sow’s lardass is as big as the side of a house.

The Obama’s lived high on the hog.  Three years ago CBS News obtained the Office of Protocol’s expense calculations for the first five state dinners of the Obama presidency.  It was an unprecedented $1,966,933.71 or just under half a million dollars each.

Requests for information about state dinners after 2012 made by Rep. Darrell Issa were completely ignored. 

Marie Antoinette, call your office.


UPDATE:  Welcome readers of The Pirate’s Cove. We wish to thank the Admiral for linking to this post.

Friday, May 12, 2017

You Can Stand Me Up At The Gates Of Hell But I Won't Back Down

Kamala Harris (D-CA) has been known to advance progressive claptrap prior to her tenure as a US Senator and has doubled down on that BS since taking office.

Let’s take a look, shall we?
On May 4, this astonishingly clueless woman claimed via two tweets that under the Republican health care bill "129 million people with pre-existing conditions could be denied coverage and insurers could charge sick people more money."
This lie, yes, lie is typical of the left.  Clearly, they know that Obamacare is dying on the vine.  Every damned one of them is terrified of its repeal and replacement knowing its catastrophic effects have doomed their Party.  They obfuscate the facts for the expressed purpose of scaring the beejeezus out of low information voters.  Her lie was called out by The Washington Post giving it four Pinocchios.

WaPo stridently pointed out:
A 2010 investigation by the House Energy and Commerce Committee found that companies denied coverage to one out of every seven applicants. So that would be 14 percent. Even if you took the entire US population with health insurance—about 257 million people—that means 34 million would face a denial of coverage. Within the individual market—assuming every state sought a waiver—the result would be 2.5 million, assuming they all experienced a lapse in coverage of more than two months.
When CNN’s Jake Tapper questioned her false claims she hemmed and hawed refusing to back down. 

Mind you, it’s only been a week since the House passed the AHCA, but a Quinnipiac University poll of 1,078 voters showed disapproval at 56 percent.  The approval was just 21 percent, four points higher than the last survey on the issue.

Twenty-three percent of respondents said they didn't know or couldn't answer the question.

So there you have it. Kamala and her fellow liars are doing their dead-level best to taint anything the Republicans do to lower deductibles, provide affordable coverage, provide better care with zero cuts to Medicaid.

NOTE:  We apologize to Tom Petty for appropriating lyrics attributed to him for the title of this post.

Happy Mother's Day -2020

Vanilla Ice Cream: The New Constitutional Crisis Crippling America

The Good Humor Man® could not be reached for comment on this story.

Michael Scherer and Zeke Miller at Time magazine spent some time with President Trump earlier this week, and here’s a description of their dinner:
The waiters know well Trump’s personal preferences. As he settles down, they bring him a Diet Coke, while the rest of us are served water, with the Vice President sitting at one end of the table. With the salad course, Trump is served what appears to be Thousand Island dressing instead of the creamy vinaigrette for his guests. When the chicken arrives, he is the only one given an extra dish of sauce. At the dessert course, he gets two scoops of vanilla ice cream with his chocolate cream pie, instead of the single scoop for everyone else.
GET SCHUMER!  We must appoint a special prosecutor!

GET AUNTIE MAXINE!  Trump must be impeached!

SUBPOENA THE DESERT CHEF DAMMIT!  PRONTO!

Because there’s nothing else going on in the world the Comedy News Network (CNN) had this:
These reporters must have had dads who had them totally convinced that the ice cream truck only played music when it was sold out.  

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Bernie And Jane Sanders’ Implacable Enemy: Arithmetic

Vermont’s Burlington College had for years been buckling under the crushing debt of a doomed land deal engineered by a former president, Jane Sanders, who is the wife of US senator and failed Democrat presidential contender Bernie Sanders.

Allegations Jane Sanders falsified loan documents to expand the campus of Burlington College, which collapsed into bankruptcy in May 2016, swirled more than a year prior.

Sanders stated in a 2010 loan application she had secured $2.6 million in promised donations to pay for the purchase of 32.4 acres of land, which helped secure a $6.5 million loan from the People’s United Bank. Only $676,000 ever materialized over the next four years and the college defaulted on the loans, eventually going bankrupt.

The Department of Justice and the FBI in conjunction with the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) are investigating the senator’s wife for bank fraud.

That Sanders believed she could get away with such obvious fraud isn’t all that shocking is it? So what if she cut a few corners here and there and told a few lies to get her grubby socialist hands on some free cash. 

Like most liberal schemes, it turned out to be an ignominious fiasco.  And now, the FBI is breathing down her chubby neck, working to get an indictment that could send her up the river for a ghetto penthouse at The Crowbar Hotel.

The battle between Socialism and its most implacable enemy, arithmetic, continues apace.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Only the Names Have Been Changed to Protect Curmudgeon...


Woman freaks out after finding a squirrel in her toilet
A woman called a friend for help after finding a squirrel inside her toilet. The woman... was terrified when she found the squirrel that somehow ended up trapped inside her toilet.
Well, that and the opulence of the facilities simply screams Curmudgeon!  I'm not sure exactly who she had to pay off or what favors she had to give to keep her name out of the news. (They even faked the state in the story so it didn't track back to her!)

But, if you want to see how well the disinformation worked, you can read the rest of the story here.

A Cornucopia Of McCain Craziness

Senator John McCain waxes bold...
No, no.
Senator John McCain whacks his old...
Nah, too subtle.
Senator McCain cracks a cold...
Nope, not that.

Senator John McCain screeches batshit crazy anti-Trump innuendos while exposing himself to prominent European guests.

There, that's it.
President Trump’s sudden firing of FBI Director James B. Comey is bad for the country and will not be the end of the Trump-Russia affair, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) told a group of foreign diplomats and experts Tuesday night. 
Although McCain did not directly accuse the White House of firing Comey to thwart the FBI’s investigation into the Trump campaign’s possible Russia ties, he did say that if that was the intention, it would fail.
McCain, clad only in his own fecal material, shocked his guests by implying that the lawful, legal actions of the President of the United States in exercising his Constitutional discretionary powers while heeding the advice of his duly appointed Cabinet ministers, were in reality a criminal conspiracy to conceal a James Bond/Spectre type takeover of the United States by Vladimir Blofeld.
“This scandal is going to go on. I’ve seen it before,” McCain told a meeting of the Munich Security Conference core group. “This is a centipede. I guarantee you there will be more shoes to drop, I can just guarantee it. There’s just too much information that we don’t have that will be coming out.”
Senator McCain's remark to the group first referenced a unicorn but was later amended (under McCain's protest) to refer to a centipede. McCain is deathly afraid of centipedes.

Likewise for the "There’s just too much information that we don’t have," remark which was originally transcribed as, "The information is just too damn high."
He called Trump’s actions against Comey “unprecedented” and said the position of FBI director has held special meaning in American public life dating back decades.
Of course Comey's termination was not unprecedented.  The July 1993 firing of FBI Director Bill Sessions occurred during the FBI investigation of the Whitehouse travel office scandal and Vince Foster's death the very same month. Senator McCain later clarified his use of the term "unprecedented" to mean "not within the last thirty days."

When quizzed about these discrepancies, Senator McCain attributed them to the presence of undigested corn in his stool.

Source